My grandparents were a huge part of my life. As a 38 year old woman, I miss them terribly. My grandfather passed way 3 years ago and my grandmother passed away 1 1/2 years ago. It is mind-blowing to me how much I think about them and miss them. I still speak of them so often that sometimes my boys tell me how much they miss my grandparents. I still cry over them. I still think how I wish I could just call them and tell them each time something new comes up in my life or in the kids' lives. My grandfather was so proud of Brooklyn and always enjoyed calling her to try and stump her with riddles. He boasted on how smart Brooklyn was and said that she was even smarter than my dad or my brother - which says a lot because they are extremely intelligent. He thought Brooklyn was beautiful. Brooklyn spent a lot of time with my grandparents growing up, as well. We lived not far from them and would go over there quite often. They would keep Brooklyn if she was sick while I worked. We went over there on many weekends just to visit. Sometimes my grandmother would call me at work to let me know the menu and invite us over for dinner :) I know my grandfather would be so proud of Blake with his baseball and athleticism because my grandfather was an athlete. He would be amazed at how smart Will is and how he is probably on track to be even smarter than his sister! My grandparents loved their family but my grandfather was the boastful one.
Throughout my life, I remember my grandfather being a hard worker. I admired and appreciated the fact that he supported and provided for my grandmother, dad, uncle, and aunt. My grandparents didn't live in a huge fancy house, in fact it was quite modest. However, it was a taken care of and paid for due to my grandfather's hard work and my grandmother made it a home. I always admired my grandmother's contentness.
I am geared to concentrate on my grandfather's retirement years which were the last 25 years of his life. My grandfather loved to be the center of attention. He was silly and loved practical jokes. He also liked to have fun. He enjoyed golf, playing cards or dominos with friends, dancing, and roaming around town most every day. While my grandfather never spent money on anything extravagant, or even mildly expensive for that matter, he did like to spend money. For instance, he liked buying whatever junk he could find at thrift stores CONSTANTLY! He loved going to the casinos to play the slot machines. It was a grand day if he could get anything for free! Whether he needed it or not, he was going to take it :) I feel he was probably like this because he grew up very poor, fatherless at the age of 2, and had to work his entire life. I know he felt like the retirement years were a time to enjoy life and to be able to spend money if he had it.
Here comes the hard part. Now remember...I ADORE my grandfather. Always did and always will. I am very protective of my family. It's like the case where I can talk about my brother or sister if I am mad at them about something but no one else better say anything negative about them. And while I'm venting about them, the person on the other end needs to just listen and not respond in agreement! :) My grandfather had many, many great qualities but he also had flaws. Once my grandfather set his mind on something, he was going to do it. Regardless. In some ways he was selfish like that. Now, I can't speak for anyone else, but for me, he was always quick to help me in any way whether it was financially or giving me a place to live or a car to drive - which my grandparents did each of those things. I am talking about being selfish in a more self centered way. My grandfather wanted to do what he wanted to do when he wanted to do it and how he wanted to do it. He loved life and he wanted to live by his agenda. While I saw him take care of his family and extended family his entire life, I never saw him take care of others. I don't recall seeing any fruit from him.
I remember a couple of occasions in my adult years where I spoke of Christ to him. I don't remember anything about how the conversations would come up other than me just being at my grandparents' home and the conversations arising. I must admit that I was very intimidated to share Christ with him. For one, I felt I didn't know enough to share or didn't have the mental resources to back up my claims. I always remember thinking, "How am I suppose to change a 70 year old's mind about something?" I don't recall anything specific he would say to me other than giving me the idea that he didn't believe the Bible. Looking back, I believe my grandfather took the Bible literally and it wasn't in his realm of possibilities to believe things like a whale swallowed a man, who survived by the way, or that Jesus was God in the flesh, or how a burning bush could talk. I know he certainly couldn't comprehend why God would allow evil and bad things to happen. There was one instance that has always stuck in my mind. After one of our conversations, I left crying because my grandfather told me that he didn't believe in Jesus. Shortly after I arrived home, my phone rang and it was my grandmother saying that my grandfather wanted to talk to me to tell me he really believed in Jesus. I knew it was my grandmother's doing and that she probably told him that he upset me and he needed to call me. That kept me from sharing Christ with my grandfather for a long time because I felt it would be useless - again, changing the mind of a 70 year old man. However, I should have realized that I could share Christ with him in my every day life and my actions. Unfortunately, I was too naive and immature to realize that.
As years passed, my healthy and lively grandfather was unofficially diagnosed with lung cancer in December 2008 and was officially diagnosed in January 2009. Not surprisingly, he was not ready to die and wanted to fight the cancer as much as possible. He agreed to chemo, got pneumonia, and stayed in the hospital for about a week. He came home where he passed away in the early hours on February 5, 2009. During his stay in the hospital was the most scared and the most dependent I have ever been on God. I constantly visited my grandfather and heavily prayed for a miracle to and from the hospital during each drive. I spent every single drive bawling my eyes out begging for God to give my grandfather more time. During that period was only the second time in my life that I knelt down at the altar asking for God's help.
Nothing could have prepared me for seeing him in the hospital. I remember my first visit and walking into his room. I walked in to a room full of family and saw my grandfather lying there with tubes and a mask. I went to the foot of the bed and I couldn't get one word out or hold back tears so I dashed out of the room crying in the hallway. As my father walked out to console me, I couldn't believe I was seeing my grandfather lying there like that. He was always so tough. He was a man's man. Throughout the week there were a few times where I, along with other family members, spoke to my grandfather about Christ. I remember one day in particular where I was asking him if he was ready to meet God. I was so desperate, frustrated, and stressed at the situation that I failed miserably on how I handled talking to my grandfather about Christ. I felt as if I was almost yelling at him to understand and believe. That memory has never left my mind. This was maybe a day or so before he left to go home. He did shake his head and said that he believed. Although, I was doubtful.
I remember my father and aunt having to make a decision on whether or not to let my grandfather stay at the hospital or go home. I knew if my grandfather went home, he would pass away. Needless to say, I wanted my grandfather to stay at the hospital. It wasn't that I didn't want him to die. That was a given. I wanted him to have more time to accept Christ because I didn't think he truly did so I wanted those extra days.
I don't remember the exact time frame but after my grandfather passed away, the account of the thief on the cross came to me. As Jesus is hanging on the cross he is in between two thieves hanging on their cross. Here is the NIV version from the book of Luke:
Two other men, both criminals, were also led out with him to be executed. 33 When they came to the place called the Skull, they crucified him there, along with the criminals—one on his right, the other on his left. 34 Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”[c] And they divided up his clothes by casting lots.
35 The people stood watching, and the rulers even sneered at him. They said, “He saved others; let him save himself if he is God’s Messiah, the Chosen One.”
36 The soldiers also came up and mocked him. They offered him wine vinegar 37 and said, “If you are the king of the Jews, save yourself.”
38 There was a written notice above him, which read: THIS IS THE KING OF THE JEWS.
39 One of the criminals who hung there hurled insults at him: “Aren’t you the Messiah? Save yourself and us!”
40 But the other criminal rebuked him. “Don’t you fear God,” he said, “since you are under the same sentence? 41 We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong.”
42 Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.[d]”
43 Jesus answered him, “Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.”
What does this account mean? Is it truly never too late to repent and be saved? What is God telling us in this part of scripture? I studied this question through commentaries surrounding Luke 23. In my own words, as Jesus hung in pain and agony between two sinners, he prayed. He prayed for those who persecuted him and murdered him. Jesus was still bounding with love and prayed for lost souls. The picture of the two thieves are those of a hardened heart and a softened heart. As one followed the crowd and mocked Jesus, even as he hung from a cross himself, he found no compassion for Christ. He never saw the unjust of an innocent man being crucified. He wanted Jesus to save him, if Jesus really was who he said he was. Otherwise, he had no desire to trust Jesus. Does that sound like us sometimes? We don't want to obey Christ, follow Christ, live a sacrificial life for Christ, or give up our worldly pleasures unless we get something in return from Him? How dare we! We only want to pray to God to get us out of a pickle or save us from some consequences because of our stupid and selfish choices. Otherwise, we don't speak to God. If we see fit that our life is going well and we have our wants and desires and toys and vacations, then we don't need to pray to God, right? I mean since we have all of that then that must mean that we are on God's good side, huh? It's when we lose those things that we want to ask God to save us from it - whether we put ourselves in that situation or not. That thief on the cross was being crucified for something he did. He made the choice to do what he wanted. He was hanging from that cross justly from all accounts as far as I am concerned. But mind you....we all deserve to be hanging from a cross to be crucified. Who are we to sit back and think that we don't deserve the same punishment as that thief? Why? Because maybe we don't steal. Or some of us don't kill. Or we don't commit adultery. Or we don't abuse our children. Or because we don't get drunk or do drugs. Let me remind you, my friends, we ALL fall short of the glory of God per Romans 3:23. None of us are worthy to even be in the sight of our God. Those of us that think we are better than others because we have "minimal sin" like the "little white lies" syndrome are foolish to think so. Isaiah 64:6 reminds us that our righteous acts are like filthy rags! We are saved by grace and by grace alone, through our faith in Christ. Nothing else.
Which leads me to the second thief. He felt compassion for Christ as he hung on that cross. That thief admitted that he belonged to hang there. We all could learn a lesson from that man. We are to own up to our junk and repent. No excuses. No pointing of fingers. He chose to see that Jesus was an innocent man and, I assume, could hear Christ praying for others as he hung there. His heart was softened by the grace of God. He asked Jesus to remember him when he entered his kingdom. He professed who Jesus was in those very words. Jesus promised to be with him in paradise.
My point is that it is probably not in our best odds to be in a position of true repentance moments before we die or receive the grace and mercy that the thief received. But is it possible? Yes. I believe it is a dangerous game to live a life of self gratification only to continue to put off handing our life over to the Lord. It's the infamous "I need to sow my oats" or "I'm not ready to do that now. I want to have fun" or "I'll commit to God later". Do we not realize that not even the next second is promised to us? Much less next week, next month, or next year. Which thief are we? Jesus was present and right beside each man. Jesus was within their reach just like he is within ours. Will we let the opportunity pass us by to reach out to Jesus with him right there beside us? How much closer does He need to be for us to make that decision? Much like that day on the cross, some will reach out for Christ while others let the opportunity fade away only to never return.
I will only speak of my grandfathers years as I saw them. I saw self gratification. On the flip side - don't wait until your loved one is dying to beg him or her to accept Christ. We should be living a life that reveals God's character each day. If we are lost for words, our actions should speak for us. Don't let satan win that battle by making us feel like we are unworthy to share the gospel with others. Now please don't twist what I am saying. I am not saying that we can convert someone or drill it into their head until they get it. As a matter of fact, I am saying that we can not. That is God's job. We are to be obedient in our duties as Christians by the authority given to us in Christ. We are to share the gospel. We are to live a life of godly reflection. We are to pray for others. We are to help the poor. We are to live out our faith based works. God will use us as the tools to change the hearts of those who He sees fit. We are to be obedient. God does the rest.
Do I have hope that my grandfather truly repented that day in the hospital? Absolutely. The thief on the cross gives me that.
In Honor and Memory of
Jeff Bell
Feb 29, 1924 - Feb 5, 2009
Which leads me to the second thief. He felt compassion for Christ as he hung on that cross. That thief admitted that he belonged to hang there. We all could learn a lesson from that man. We are to own up to our junk and repent. No excuses. No pointing of fingers. He chose to see that Jesus was an innocent man and, I assume, could hear Christ praying for others as he hung there. His heart was softened by the grace of God. He asked Jesus to remember him when he entered his kingdom. He professed who Jesus was in those very words. Jesus promised to be with him in paradise.
My point is that it is probably not in our best odds to be in a position of true repentance moments before we die or receive the grace and mercy that the thief received. But is it possible? Yes. I believe it is a dangerous game to live a life of self gratification only to continue to put off handing our life over to the Lord. It's the infamous "I need to sow my oats" or "I'm not ready to do that now. I want to have fun" or "I'll commit to God later". Do we not realize that not even the next second is promised to us? Much less next week, next month, or next year. Which thief are we? Jesus was present and right beside each man. Jesus was within their reach just like he is within ours. Will we let the opportunity pass us by to reach out to Jesus with him right there beside us? How much closer does He need to be for us to make that decision? Much like that day on the cross, some will reach out for Christ while others let the opportunity fade away only to never return.
I will only speak of my grandfathers years as I saw them. I saw self gratification. On the flip side - don't wait until your loved one is dying to beg him or her to accept Christ. We should be living a life that reveals God's character each day. If we are lost for words, our actions should speak for us. Don't let satan win that battle by making us feel like we are unworthy to share the gospel with others. Now please don't twist what I am saying. I am not saying that we can convert someone or drill it into their head until they get it. As a matter of fact, I am saying that we can not. That is God's job. We are to be obedient in our duties as Christians by the authority given to us in Christ. We are to share the gospel. We are to live a life of godly reflection. We are to pray for others. We are to help the poor. We are to live out our faith based works. God will use us as the tools to change the hearts of those who He sees fit. We are to be obedient. God does the rest.
Do I have hope that my grandfather truly repented that day in the hospital? Absolutely. The thief on the cross gives me that.
In Honor and Memory of
Jeff Bell
Feb 29, 1924 - Feb 5, 2009
