As a sweet friend of mine, Jenni, often says, "I am giddy with giddiness", and that's exactly how I feel today so I am stealing her unspoken patent for the day :) This may very likely be one of those posts that only I connect to and one of those "you had to be there moments" but I still just had to share my giddiness today for God!
I have been blank and empty on my thoughts the past few weeks as far as jotting down my feelings here on this thing I call a blog. I've struggled with even feeling led to write anything and the few times I did think about writing were going to turn into venting sessions and vainly temporarily release some negative junk I had going on in my head. Not good and certainly wouldn't have been glorifying the Lord in any way. Thankfully, the Lord reminded me not to post such issues and move on with a different attitude...one that was focused on Him. Throughout these past few weeks, I have struggled with that. Not intentionally so much to make things about myself but it happened nonetheless. These past couple of months have required much prayer, focus, intention, and devotion on my part. I have failed miserably but was determined to stay on the path and not choose another. At times, I became disconnected, weary, frustrated with myself, and doubtful in whether God was hearing me or if He was going to reveal Himself to me. At times I even wondered why I was in the middle of all of this and why God chose to put me in a situation I was clearly not capable of handling. I knew the answers but allowed the enemy to creep in on some of that - affecting my mindset and my heart.
I have been holding on to certain verses throughout these past 2 months but I never held on to one in particular... that just so happens to be taped to my computer monitor. As I am sitting here, God showed it to me again, this time with conviction in my righteousness...
The NIV version of 2 Chronicles 16:9 says For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him. You have done a foolish thing, and from now on you will be at war.
The King James version of 2 Chronicles 16:9 says For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to shew himself strong in the behalf of them whose heart is perfect toward him. Herein thou hast done foolishly: therefore from henceforth thou shalt have wars.
That verse mentions nothing about just being committed, sometimes committed, or partially committed. It says fully committed. Should you choose to read the other version it speaks of a perfect heart toward Him. Not good, not sweet, not even great. Perfect. I faltered many times these past few weeks, as I do everyday of my life, and did not remain fully committed to God. If I continue reading that verse then I have to know that I have been foolish in doing so and with that comes war and heartache. Apart from my total and complete reliance on God I have nothing. Choosing to face in any direction other than in the face of God will always leave me vulnerable and at war - without God on my side. I know I will never be able to have a perfect heart toward God...and He knows that too. Aren't you thankful that we don't live in Old Testament times? Words and thoughts can't even express how thankful I am for Jesus. My dependence on His death clothes my imperfect heart. My dependency on His Word fills my imperfect heart. My dependency on His Lordship completes my imperfect heart. When I admit that I am helpless and useless without Him, I am turning over myself and my ways to Him.
I sometimes mention that I often just look around at my surroundings and just stare at God's majesty. Whether I'm driving or sitting outside or looking out a window, I look at His creation of the skies, trees, flowers, animals, the stars, the sun, the moon and clearly see His hand in all of it. I honestly am in awe when reflecting on all of it. His presence seems so obvious to me and I wonder how others could even doubt Him. What could be better than blatantly looking at something so intricate and majestic that God made from nothing and allows us to live amongst it all?? What could be better than seeing all of the provisions around me that allow me to sustain life? He provides my food, air, water, shelter, and clothing literally in front of my eyes. Nothing goes unforgotten.
What could melt my heart more than that?.... When God speaks to me, that's what. When He actually reveals something to me that is only for me in that moment. When He answers a specific prayer that only I have prayed and He then tells me about it. Not that anything God created on this earth is vague, but it's when the spirit of God speaks to my heart intimately that is better than all of that other stuff. When I know God heard me. When I know God didn't forget my plea. When I know that God is showing me exactly how He had it all orchestrated the entire time and then chooses to let me in on it. That is what is better! It's when all the pieces of the puzzle that seem random, yet there, start to fit together. The pieces that you thought you were putting together for His glory all of a sudden don't hold a candle to the puzzle that God just showed you! It's those moments like I had in the car on the way home this morning where you literally say out loud, "Oh my God! That's it! That is it!" No one in the car with you. Just you. You are talking and laughing out loud because God has just shown you something or given you that one piece of the puzzle that makes it all fit together. Yes, that was me this morning :)
If you can't say that you have had those intimacies with God, then I pray that you surrender your life to His Lordship so you can experience those moments even with your imperfect heart! You can't possibly imagine the magnitude of what that feels like to hear God whisper something in your ear or put something in front of your eyes that is only for you in that moment. It's those precious moments where you are just left sitting or standing there, barely able to compile an organized thought, and the only thing that even makes sense is to proclaim to the unfathomable God, "You are I AM".... and He replies "You Are Mine."
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