I awoke this morning, let's just say, perfectly fine. No headache. No more than usual fatigue. Not freezing! (that's an important one!) No running around crazy. Fine. Just fine. I even laid in the bed this morning praying before I opened my eyes and hitting my feet to the floor. I wanted this day to start off right, with God. Then it began...I let my guard down as soon as I said Amen.
Bare with me as I share details of my morning. I went around doing my usual morning stuff making sure we all got out of the door in time for school. There were of course those few moments of me feeling frustrated because one of my boys (who shall remain anonymous ;)) took FOREVER just picking out his clothes and putting them on. I don't know why I am surprised by this EVERY.SINGLE.MORNING. I told the boys that I wanted to leave 5 minutes early, hoping to get ahead of our local town traffic, because it was raining outside and the traffic would be super slow this morning. Then I say the usuals... "Have you brushed your teeth?", "Have you combed your hair?", "Put long sleeves on under that jersey", "No! It's barely above freezing outside. You have to wear pants and long sleeves!" Then it more times than not ends with several, "Boys! Let's go!" Even though I was feeling a little rushed, my mood wasn't too bad. We got in the car and I even made the comment, "I won't say this is a yucky day because all days are good as they come from God so I'll just say this is some yucky weather. I don't like cold AND wet days." Ha! That was my way of being positive! Then before we even got out of the neighborhood I was already feeling myself get frustrated with one of my son's as I'd asked him to get money out of my wallet, put it in an envelope, and write on the envelope since he needed it for school. Again, it seemed as if it was taking him FOREVER and the entire time I thought to myself how he could be doing it more efficiently, quicker, another way, "why is he so slow?!!" So that ends and all is well as he is dropped off at school. Next stop - next school and we are actually on time. The next saga began as I crept basically 100 feet in 15 minutes. Our local policemen direct traffic in the mornings so of course I'm blaming the ridiculous hold up on the officer directing traffic at the school entrance and the one in charge of the light. I drop off my other son with 5 minutes to spare although as he got out I noticed he didn't have his jacket, only a long sleeved shirt under his jersey, just like I said this morning. Hmmmm. I was bothered but oh well. My plan was to go to the grocery store immediately after dropping off the kids but the weather and traffic changed my mind for me so I headed home for a bit until I had to get back out. I had been listening to the radio all morning and the topic was Thanksgiving in general, shopping on Thanksgiving, and are we a thankful people? I was even getting irritated at some of the answers people were saying. What's wrong with me? Why am I getting so uptight about how they answer. Geez! The entire way home God was convicting me of my attitude and I wasn't even being ugly or screaming at the kids this morning! At least not outwardly being ugly...and that was the point.
The Bible talks plenty on taming the tongue and it is completely accurate in how our words are hurtful and detrimental to ourselves and others not to mention un-glorifying of God. So if I wasn't saying aloud all of my negative thoughts what was the problem? What was far more dangerous was the state of my thoughts, my mind, my heart. Yes, maybe I kept things from becoming escalated by withholding my words or nasty tone but God still saw fit to speak to me about my attitude. My prideful, self-absorbed attitude. Excuse me??!! Screech! Back up the car! Prideful and self-absorbed? What? How so? Because I wanted my morning to go well without traffic? What's wrong with that? Without having to tell my boys over and over to do the same things each morning? Without the rain and cold? Without having to hear people give superficial answers to what Thanksgiving means to them? Without my sons moving slower than I prefer? Without the officers directing traffic how I think they should? Why yes, Lisa, that's exactly why. I wanted MY morning to go MY way on MY time. But wouldn't everything have gone smoother if it would have been done MY way? Maybe. But you know what? Then I would have been filled with even more pride and self-absorption. Boom, Lisa! Chew on that for a bit...
When I forget that I must depend on God for every single thing, whether it be physically, materialistically, or spiritually, I start a downward spiral. Not even one single thought can be honoring to Him without His involvement. I used to roll my eyes at Romans 7:18. I viewed it as such a "text book answer"! Ugh! For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. I would always hear people say things like, "the only good thing in me is Christ" or "there's nothin' good in me except Jesus". Of course as I type this I'm hearing it in my head with a country bumpkin back woods accent like what I have as if that matters any! :) Yeah, ok so, I digress before I need to digress...(big fake smile here)...anyway, so movin' on...Why did that bother me so much to hear? Because it was so hard for me to believe that without the presence of Christ in me, I was nothing! Worthless. Not good. Not even a little good? I just knew those individuals who said that were saying it just to hear themselves say it. I mean we all think we do good things right? We can be nice. We can be helpful. We can give money (sometimes). We can even be more good when we go to church and pray and help the poor on special holidays once or twice a year. We can just be a "good person". Heck, we don't even have to go to church, right! Like it's always said, "I don't need to go to church to spend time with God" or "Oh, that's just a building. It's full of hypocrites anyway" or "I won't be apart of that", or even blaming others on why we don't go to church - that one's my favorite. We'll just keep to ourselves, mind our own business, and for the most part be cordial to people. Ok, well that lifestyle's not biblical for adhering to being "good" but suit yourself.
Listen, I could go on and on about this but the bottom line is that Romans 7:18 is one of the most blatantly truthful obvious verses in the Bible. I'll touch on one more verse then move on. Mark 10:18 even backs this up. Jesus was asked by a man how to inherit eternal life but the man addressed Jesus as "Good Teacher". Jesus' response was, "Why do you call me good? No one is good except God alone." Do we understand that??? From the lips of Jesus, no one is good. No one. Can we not grasp that? I'll be honest in saying I don't know how the man thought of Jesus. I assume he saw Jesus as a teacher, rather than the Son of Man, God in the flesh. With that being said, he calls Jesus good, viewing him as a "good" man, or "good" teacher, or "good" person. I believe that is why Jesus responded how he did. He knew the man saw Him as other than the Son of Man yet calling him good.
We can continue to measure this good and bad mentality in our worldly views and give ourselves and others standards to achieve as to what that means but we will continue to be deceived. Remember that by doing so, we are in clear opposition of God's Word - whether we like it or not. Whether that makes us feel uncomfortable or not. You either believe God's Word or you don't. And why should that be such a hard thing to admit when the Bible teaches us that His power is made perfect in our weakness?? (Romans 12:9)
Reflecting back on my morning, I paralleled how this morning went by how I was as a mom. A good mom or a bad mom. The rain and traffic and the police officers were going to make ME late on getting MY kids to school. I was frustrated at my son for not being quicker on getting the money ready in the car because if it wasn't done by the time he got to school then it was because "I" didn't make time to get it done before leaving. Why was I bothered that my son got out of the car without a jacket on? Was I really worried about him freezing. For the most part, no. He doesn't get cold at school and I knew they wouldn't be outside today because of the rain. So why? Because it would reflect on ME as a mom in sending MY child to school without a jacket on. "I" would look like a bad mom because "I" didn't notice he didn't have one on when we left the house. Why was I bothered at everyone else's answers on Thanksgiving? I could see through those superficial answers because "I" was being superficial in that moment. You know that saying it takes one to know one? Yeah. This morning was all about ME and how "I" was handling the flow of how it was turning out. Once again, I was looking at it as if I didn't have it all together and maybe I didn't. Maybe there were things I could have done better that would have helped my morning. The problem is that I focused on me as a person and a mom rather than a just a child of God full of grace. Thing is without the child of God part, I am a mess as a person and a mom even on my best days so what's new? I am thankful God spoke to me this morning and reigned me in. I certainly needed it and would have done no one, including myself, any good continuing on with my day in my "all about me" attitude getting frustrated at everybody else's choices. Another touchy part of scripture our society doesn't like to hear is how God disciplines those He loves, those He calls His own. That's a whole other blog but I am grateful God loves me enough to stop me in my tracks and ask, "Why are you being like this?" I love that He doesn't just tell me what my problem is. He asks me so I can answer. He allows a time of self-reflection for me. It is through that self-evaluation process that I grow. I grow by seeing AND admitting my weakness in myself and my strength in Him. Now maybe that sounds textbook. Good! Straight from it!
Odd how God reminds of us of events in our life to humble our selfishness. 23 years ago on this day I learned for the first time in my life what it meant to be introduced to death. My uncle Larry, who was not just an uncle, was killed in a construction accident. My siblings and I were very close to our grandparents and uncle. My uncle was always a part of my life. He was always at our house, at my brother's sporting events - even coached, always came to see what we got from Santa on Christmas morning. Heck, he'd even show up unannounced at our house on any given day. He lived with my grandparents after divorcing so I saw him often as I was at my grandparents all the time. You get the point. He was a huge part of my life. I was 16 when he passed away and he was only 38. Having to hear that your child, grown or not, has passed away from a stranger is humbling. Knowing there isn't a thing you can do about it. You can't stop it. You can't change it. I can't imagine the pain that my grandparents endured from that day forward. My problems this morning were ridiculous compared to the morning of November 26, 1990 for my grandparents. My problems weren't worth getting flustered over. Being reminded what happened 23 years ago, that's justification for being "flustered". You think my grandmother didn't go through gazillions of moments where she questioned herself as a mother? I never asked her that but I figure she did. God, continue to help me not be so arrogant in my ways!
Funny how there was once a time that I would have looked upon this day as ugh! Yucky day! Just wanting it to be done and over. I can't begin to express my "thanksgiving" for days just like this now. Getting my reality check first thing because I am loved and I am pursued. Getting to spend time with God because He called the appointment. Having a fresh look on how God sees fit for me to spend this day. God protecting my heart enough to intercede. Bring on the rain and traffic. I'm heading to the grocery store with funds that God has provided me with to buy food so I can make that soup I've been wanting for the past 24 hours and I'm not going to wear a jacket either! Ok, that's just stupid and being stubborn...I'm wearing a jacket. Peace out! :)
