Marriage

Since I recently and accidentally deleted my previous blog site, I thought this was worth posting again.  I wish I would have had a more solid foundation when I was younger.  This letter was not written by me but can be found on www.raisinghomemakers.com.  

A Letter to My Children About Marriage

by KELLY on FEBRUARY 2, 2012 in LEGACY, TRAINING GROUND FOR MATURE ADULT CHARACTER

Dear Children,

Should the Lord give you the good gift of a husband or wife, and I hope He does, there are a few things I want you to know. Things that you may not hear from anyone else, and certainly not on TV or other media. Sadly, your church may not even tell you.

Marriage, sweet little people, is not for the purpose of your happiness. Happy as I want you to be and hope you will be, you must yet understand that marriage is God’s design and His purposes must be pursued in order for you to be truly happy. His end is holiness and He will use all things in a life devoted to Him to fulfill that end.

To my girls:

Marry a man whose first pursuit is Christ. After that, he is not hard to please. Admire him, cheer him on and show gratitude, and he will fall over himself trying to please you. Smile often, speak well of him always, and do whatever necessary to try and maintain a pleasant mood about you so that it transfers to your home, making it a place where he and your children love to be.

You’ll have bad days of course, crying days even, and that’s when you go to your bedroom, kneel on the floor and beg the Lord to carry you. Then get up, get a fresh perspective (crayons will come off the wall), and try again. Above all else, make a home.

To my boys:

Marry a woman whose first pursuit is Christ. After that, she may be hard to please  only if you don’t know “the secret”. What is that? I’m glad you asked. The secret to pleasing your wife is to make her feel safe and treasured. You may have to move out of your comfort zone to do this at times. She won’t always readily translate the oil change to love, though it means that. But let me give you a “secret question”–a question you need to ask her often. It’s not just in the asking, though. Be sure to focus your eyes on hers, maybe even touch her shoulder or face, and then ask: “What’s on your mind these days? “ And then be ready to listen. She wants you to draw her out. She will perceive this as your protection over the matters of her heart. Tenderness, listening, protection. That’s what she wants.

To you all:

If your wife or husband does something really stupid, forgive. If they do it again, forgive again. Forgiveness must be the propelling force in your lives each day. Dwell on the strengths, push out thoughts of their weaknesses. Take every thought captive–choose to love.

Here’s that part you are not going to hear often:

If you find yourself “not happy”, having lost attraction, disinterested, etc., you are not permitted to even think about a divorce. If you find yourselves arguing more and more, don’t think for a minute that “the children will be better off out of this”, because they won’t.

The vows you took on your wedding day were not suggestions. They were covenant vows, before a Holy God, family and friends, to stay with this person the rest of your life, even if you don’t feel like it. You swore a solemn oath and if you can’t live up to it, don’t get married. Decide up front that your marriage is irrevocable. There is far more motivation for getting along if your “marriage house” has no door.

Do not share intimate thoughts or feelings with anyone of the opposite sex. Do not find yourself alone for any length of time with such either.

Divorce is not a “private option”. It will affect multiple families for many generations. When you “separate what God has joined” you permanently injure far more than just yourself.

Guard your marriage as fiercely as you would guard your own life. Treat your spouse as an extension of your flesh, just as God sees you. Treat your spouse like other family members. You know, “you gotta love ‘em, they’re the only family you’ve got”.

I want you to be happy, I surely do. But I will pray for you to be holy.

Remind Me Who I Am To You

I often have a hard time with God's timing.  When I am hurting or struggling or desperately praying about something I seem to think it is of some upmost importance of God's immediate action or attention.  Ok, reality check Lisa....God already knows what is going on and how He is going to handle it.  But one verse has been imbedded on my head for the past few weeks, ironically.  It is Psalm 46:10 that says Be still, and know that I am God.  I have been trying to do that but we all know that I am not the most patient person :)  At least I have been trying so that is moving mountains in itself!

For the past few weeks, I have been struggling in my faith and my confidence in being God's child.  I have been praying for God to reassure me.  I have been tested quite often recently and have failed many times it seems.  Part of the doubt in my confidence was that I was seeming to realize that maybe I only believed half of the gospel.  I definitely believed that Jesus was born as God in the flesh and that He died on the cross for our sins.  I always seemed to stop there without even realizing it.  As I had been asking God in my prayers to reveal my flaws and sin that I still struggle with, he asked me if I believed that Jesus conquered death by raising from the dead three days later.  That is the exact part where I always stopped.  I mean I knew the story and all that but it wasn't something that was ever embedded in my heart I suppose.  We can believe all we want that Jesus died on the cross as the ultimate sacrifice for our sins but it means nothing if he didn't conquer death.  God reminded that to me and how I need to reinforce that into my mind and into my heart.  God also revealed that just like Jesus being born again spiritually so am I.  All of that junk that use to be my past which is now my story is because of the resurrection in Christ and in me!

A couple of nights ago, God revealed to me in a dream that my earthly father had died but at the end of the dream my dad was sitting in the room with all of us.  I remember in my dream thinking what in the world was going on because my father was suppose to have passed away.  But there he was...amongst us as if it was nothing out of the ordinary that he was there.  I woke up wondering what that dream meant and what God was trying to tell me.  In the dream, my earthly father has some how conquered death and was there in my presence again.  Hmmm, sound familiar, Lisa?  

God has been loving and gracious enough to speak to me and answer my prayers regarding my doubt in who He was, is, and is to come.  He also let me know I am His.  I must admit I gnawed on that bone of doubt a little bit for satan.  However, I was able to throw it back because Christ came to my rescue this week.  Thank you.

I'm sure this song isn't new for some but it is new to me.  And guess what?  God gave it to me this week.  Again with the timing!  I fell in love with it.  This song is soooo me and for me!

Choice of a Five Year Old

As I was getting my youngest son ready for bed tonight, he began scratching his leg.  I told him not to do so and that I would give him some medicine.  You see he has eczema.  I had just gotten him out of the bath, put his pajamas on him, and put his ointment on his skin, as needed.  We were standing in the bathroom getting ready to brush his teeth when he began scratching.  I reminded him that I would also give him an oral allergy medication to help with his itching.  Because I told him not to scratch his skin he became quite irritated.  I think he was more upset that he couldn't scratch than at me.  I know how frustrating it is not being able to scratch a place on your skin when it is itching like crazy.  I would be upset too!

As I watched him get upset I said to him, "We're not going to get mad about this.  That just makes satan happy and we are not going to let satan be happy!"  The look on his face begins to change.  I go further to tell him, "Satan wants us to get mad about things and be upset so we are not going to let him get what he wants."  Of course I am being very dramatic and over the top a bit by pointing my finger and stomping my feet a bit.  He says, "Yeah, we are not going to make satan happy!"  We both then proceed to do some karate chops and a few kicks :)  Without thinking, he went from being frustrated and upset to content.  He certainly did not want to give satan anything!

It is funny how God reminds us of things through our children.  That seems to happen quite often with me.  It doesn't matter if I am disciplining or encouraging my kids, God always uses those same words I say to them to speak to me.  And it is always right in the middle of what I am saying that I am given those revelations!  I am reminded to take my own advice and those exact words that I speak to my children hold true to me as well.  If I could more often choose to no longer be a slave to sin.  Paul tells us in Galatians that we are no longer a slave to sin when we are in Christ.  So why do we still choose that route sometimes?  Pride, arrogance, you name it.

How often I allow things or people to get me upset that shouldn't.  Now I know there is such a thing as righteous anger and I am not speaking of that.  I am talking about the little things that shouldn't matter so much to the point of getting upset.  I realized that in watching my 5 year old change his attitude with the snap of a finger, motivated by not wanting satan to get the best of him, was my lesson learned from him.  It is a choice.  He chose God.  He chose to be content just so satan wouldn't win that battle.  He didn't take time to think about it.  He didn't take time to evaluate the pros and cons.  He didn't think of an alternative plan.  He didn't think of an easier way.  Without hesitation, he chose to not be angry and he did it to be on God's side.

It is a humbling moment when you realize that you are the one learning from your own children, especially your 5 year old.  Humbling yet gratifying.  I thank God for speaking to me through my children.  I thank God for allowing His work to be done through my children.  I thank God for my children.  They really are the gifts that keep on giving :)

Uh-Oh

I am in the process of going back to my maiden name and in doing so I was trying to update my email address and accounts yesterday.  I ended up deleting my google account because of my old email address therefore deleting my blog, you tube videos, etc.  

So, here I am again starting fresh with my blogging and journalling my thoughts......