Maybe Three Days In The Belly Of A Fish Wasn't Long Enough

Last week I was feeling led to dive into the book of Joel, a book I had never read.  I wasn't sure why because I didn't even know about the content of the book or what message God was revealing through it.  Not knowing this, Jeffrey happened to quote something that came from the book of Joel one afternoon so I took that as a cue from God for me to go ahead and read it, and with Jeffrey.  He agreed and we each read on our own time and discussed it a few days later.  It was really neat for me to be able to have that experience with Jeffrey and share our thoughts on what the scripture said and how we felt it spoke to us, individually and united. Of course I wanted to share that time again so I was up for reading whatever was next! :)  Ok, so why was I feeling led to go to the book of Jonah?  Seriously?  Another Old Testament book and a book I had never read?  Jeffrey had already started on a different reading plan but said he would catch up with me so I went ahead and started reading Jonah.  I'm a much slower reader than him anyway so it was fine :)  So off I go to read Jonah by myself.

Don't we all know about the book of Jonah?  Isn't the story of Jonah in the belly of a fish something we learn about as children?  Isn't that the first thing that you think about when someone mentions Jonah - a fish?  That's what I always thought about.  I actually never even read the book of Jonah until 2 days ago for 2 reasons.  One - I already knew the story right? Jonah lived in the belly of a fish for 3 days and God saved him.  Done.  Two - Because "I knew" the story it never occurred to me to actually read the book.  I much more enjoy the New Testament writings from Paul and the apostles and any book with the red letters :) Plus, it's a little crazy actually reading about a man who supposedly lived inside a fish, right?

After reading I didn't really have any questions or concerns arise so I drifted off to sleep.  I decided to re-read it last night just to go back over it as I always remember things better through repetition and I wanted to have a refresher course before Jeffrey and I discussed it.  As I read through it the second time, I seemed to be more focused on the actual personal feelings and actions of Jonah - and realized I can be just like him.  The last two verses were wake up calls.  Those verses spoke to me and I didn't really like it to be honest.  

Jonah 4:10-11
¹⁰ But the Lord said, “You have been concerned about this plant, though you did not tend it or make it grow. It sprang up overnight and died overnight. ¹¹ And should I not have concern for the great city of Nineveh, in which there are more than a hundred and twenty thousand people who cannot tell their right hand from their left—and also many animals?”

That was the Lord's final response to Jonah.  Jonah was angry that God was choosing to pour out His grace on the city of Nineveh, which is exactly why Jonah was disobedient in the first place.  Jonah knew the kind of God the Lord was and didn't want a land full of wickedness, who by the way hated his people, to be spared.  He knew when God told him to go to Nineveh to preach to the people and warn them of God's wrath that He would spare them should they repent - and that's exactly what happened.  

How many times have we wanted revenge?  Wanted someone to suffer for their consequences? How many times does it make us furious to see someone live in constant sin apart from God and seem to prosper?  How often do we get taken advantage of, lied to, or betrayed by someone who seems to have no conscience about it?  We want them to pay for it.  We are hurt so we want them to hurt.  If we are honest, how many times do we get mad at God for showing someone grace who we feel doesn't deserve it?  Why should they get immediate grace and begin a road to confession and healing when we are still hurt by their actions?  That doesn't seem right does it?  How can we not be in the wrong yet suffer longer than the person that wronged us?  What if they wronged our loved one?  I know I have felt all of those emotions.   But I also have to remember that I was given that exact grace that I sometimes don't want others to receive just yet.

I'm sort of back tracking here but aren't those emotions the exact reasons that we choose to deliberately be disobedient like Jonah?  God gave Jonah two commands.  #1 - Go to Nineveh and #2 - Preach to the people there.  He didn't suggest it, He told Jonah to do it.  Jonah didn't want to give the people a chance to repent from his preaching so he fled, choosing to live in knowing disobedience.  I say knowing because it wasn't something Jonah was confused about or needed to pray about to see if it was really God telling him to go.  He knew it.  Because of Jonah's decision to flee, he was stuck at sea alone for 3 days nearly dying.  However, even in the midst of Jonah's clear disobedience, God saved him.  Jonah had a second chance to do what God asked of him and so he did.  Did Jonah deserve grace?  Here is someone, a prophet used by God, who would ultimately change the fate of a people group.  Seems to be a man pretty in tune with God and recognizes His voice don't you think?  Shouldn't he be held to a higher standard?  Or should he?  Do we, as a society, sometimes give a pass to those who "just don't know" yet seem to watch those who claim righteousness, through Christ, through a microscope waiting for them to fail so we can tear them apart because of it?  I guess my point is, we all need grace.  We all need forgiveness.  We all need someone who will fight for us. Nineveh needed grace.  That city needed someone who would bring the word of  God to them. They needed Jonah's intervention on their behalf.  God sent Jonah to fight for His people. Whether or not Jonah wanted to complete the mission God had given him, God still used it not only to save the people of Nineveh but to glorify Himself.  God also seized the opportunity to teach Jonah a lesson...and show him saving grace as well.

Jonah wanted justice.  He wanted them to suffer consequences for their wicked ways.  Why should they get away with acting like heathens then just be forgiven with the snap of a finger? Jonah became so consumed with God's grace over the people of Nineveh that he'd rather die that continue to see it.  As Chapter 4 wraps up, while Jonah is camped out waiting to see the fate of the city, he had taken shelter under the shade of a type of plant God provided.  The next day, the plant was eaten and destroyed by a worm and made Jonah even more angry.  Not only was he emotionally miserable, he was physically miserable too. This is where the last two verses of the book that I mentioned spoke to me personally.  Here they are again...

Jonah 4:10-11
¹⁰ But the Lord said, “You have been concerned about this plant, though you did not tend it or make it grow. It sprang up overnight and died overnight. ¹¹ And should I not have concern for the great city of Nineveh, in which there are more than a hundred and twenty thousand people who cannot tell their right hand from their left—and also many animals?”

In direct response to the verses, Jonah was so focused on something, a mere plant, that had a lifespan of less than a 24 hours.  He was comforted by that plant.  When it was taken away, he was furious beyond control that he'd rather die?  To care and mourn over something that he had nothing to do with, his hands had no part in creating, his heart which had no compassion for the breath of life that came from that plant, nor did he do anything to sustain or help sustain the life of that plant.  He only took from it and gave nothing to it or for it.  He cared for it none, expect for the fact that it helped him.  And yet Jonah gets so full of rage over a caring and gracious God who wants to save His children?  Children that He created, breathed life into, provided for, and receives nothing from.  Not only children that He knew before they were knit together in their mother's womb, but lost children.  Children who needed His grace.  His love.  His patience.  His pursuit of them.  Jonah just expected God to have no compassion for His most prized possession?  Reminds me of Matthew chapter 6 when Jesus speaks about worrying.  The birds in air, reap and sow nothing, yet God takes care of them, feeds them.  And yes Jesus talks about plants and how the flowers grow in the field. without even laboring.  He sustains their life.  Jesus specifically says in verse 30, "If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will He not much more clothe you-you of little faith?"  Remember that plant that gave shade to Jonah, here today and gone tomorrow?  Jesus even said it!  Jonah's focus and perspective was on that which was not God's heart.  It was about his heart.

Sometimes it's so hard to put aside our hearts for God's.  Again, another glimpse into Matthew chapter 6....verse 21 "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also".  We need to be more about the business of what's eternally treasured instead of what's temporarily gained.

God clearly speaks through scripture that He desires no one to perish, both in the Old and New Testament.

Ezekiel 18:32 - For I take no pleasure in the death of anyone, declares the Sovereign LORD.  Repent and live!

1 Timothy 2:3-4 - This is good, and pleases God our Savior, who wants all people to be saved and come to a knowledge of the truth.

So what can I learn from Jonah?

• To be obedient upon God's calling even when I don't want to.  Running away in disobedience sets me apart from Him.  Those consequences affect not only myself but others around me.
• To admit the error of my ways and cry out to God in repentance.
• To understand that my grievances affect others.
• The lost and wicked should be prayed for and pursued, not forgotten and turned a blind eye to.
• I am not judger, God is.  
• I am not to be a slave to vengeance.  God is my Avenger.
• To be reminded that I was given grace and deserved it no more than those who I choose to be angry at or desire vengeance against.
• That God loves all of His children and that I am no more loved or less loved than those who don't know Him.
• To be more focused on the repentance and changed heart of others versus seeing God's wrath poured out upon them for wrong doings.
• When God puts someone on my heart to love or pray for or be the hands and feet of Christ to that I want no part of, do it anyway.  That's the Gospel.

The Poster Child For All Things Bad

If I had a penny for every time I have felt inadequate, insecure, unworthy, or not good enough I could pay off the national debt.  I have spent most of my life believing I was less than mediocre.  I could never accept a compliment or encouragement from anyone.  My sweet friend, Dana, comes to mind because she likes to throw in "pretty" or "beautiful" remarks to me because she knows it makes me feel uncomfortable, and with that, I should get over myself and my insecurities.  Ok, well....now she doesn't exactly word that last part like that but I know what she means ;)  I remember years ago one of my former co-workers giving me a compliment and I sort of wrote it off.  Her response was for me to learn to take a compliment. My grandmother would constantly ask me why I was so insecure and didn't have any self-esteem.  She would always tell me how beautiful or smart I was.  I took it as her being my grandmother and that's just what grandmothers say to their granddaughters.  If I'm honest, I can't say that I have completely overcome that hurdle of accepting sweet gestures but I have gotten better.  I try to just say thank you but it's hard still and doesn't come naturally for me.

I would say that these past few years I have been trying to embrace myself in the eyes of God. To see myself how He sees me.  To think of myself how He thinks of me.  To present myself how He presents me.  But how do I want to present myself?  As a woman who is fixated on whether or not my make-up is perfect or if my hair is styled and sprayed to perfection?  Or a woman who is obsessed with having the perfect outfit on for the day when that day may only involve going to the grocery store or school?  A woman who can't leave the house until her children are bathed and dressed to the T otherwise it may reflect on my character as a mom? While I definitely don't want to always walk around looking like I just rolled up out of the bed - wait, I kinda do that anyway :/ - or am dressed in a potato sack, I don't want my outwardly appearance to be my top priority for the day.  I don't want those things to be my goals for the day.  It's not even only about outwardly appearances; it's outwardly actions.  So what does that mean or look like?  Putting on a mask to cover up the heart.  Walking around with a smile on my face while I'm breaking inside.  Saying "I'm fine" when I am on the brink of tears.  Not opening up to the women in my life or with people who matter that God gave me for a reason such as this.  Pretending as if I have nothing to get over when all the while I am harboring harsh feelings towards others.  Acting as if I'm a saint by feeding the hungry or volunteering at the local shelter while ignoring my children at home.  These things are not what God has in store for us as women, and certainly not as His daughters.  So again, I ask, who do I want to be presented as?

Several weeks back, I was given an assignment.  I was to look over the names of God.  There were 17 names on this list.  As I looked over the names, I felt not much of anything.  I was in the midst of a bad week and was just not seeming to connect with God in that moment.  As I continued to stare at the names, only one spoke to me.  The name was Jehovah-Nissi.  It means The LORD is my Banner.  Now this name wasn't speaking to me because of who I thought I was.  It is who I want to be.  I want my presence to reflect that of "The LORD is my Banner"!  I want everything that I say or do to exude what comes from Him.  I want everything that I long for or desire in this life to be about Him.  I want to be pleasing to Him.  I want to be a God fearing woman.  That is who I want to be presented as. 

When I think of a banner, I think of a large sign that sums up what it is being hung over or around.  I would like to think that instead of yearning to have a halo over my head, I have a great big sign written in the most glorious colors and beautiful font THE LORD IS MY BANNER.  I have said too many times to count to my daughter, "Don't make the same mistakes I did.  I am the poster child of what NOT to do."  A poster child.  I have always presented myself as the forefront for bad choices and horrible decisions and was giving myself banners of SHAME or NOT GOOD ENOUGH or MY PAST IS TOO BIG FOR YOU GOD.  I was unknowingly parading around town with those banners reflecting that of only the enemy.

You are as beautiful as Tirzah, my darling, as lovely as Jeruselem, as majestic as troops with banners - SOS 6:4

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised - Proverbs 31:30

One night last summer, I left the home of some sweet friends after sharing some time of intimate conversation, healing, and prayer.  When I got in my car to leave, I immediately turned on the radio.  The commercial break was wrapping up and before I got to the end of the street, a song came on the radio.  It was Beautiful You by Trent Monk.  I believe, in that divine appointment, the Lord was telling me through the words in that song that even in the midst of His glory and majesty and all that He has created, He sees me.  Not only does He see me but He sees me as beautiful.  While I tend to view God as Creator, or Judge, or Disciplinarian, He allowed me to see Him as my Father; like a father spending time with his young daughter dancing and singing and playing.  It was a sweet moment for me.

Just a few days ago I believe God wanted to tell me that Jehovah-Nissi can be my personal banner.  I was away from home and sat down at a table for breakfast one morning.  Each chair was occupied except the one sitting to my right.  I looked over and noticed a name plate with a cup of coffee sitting next to it.  I leaned forward to read the name and it said Jehovah-Nissi, The LORD is my Banner.  I thought I was going to fall out of my seat.  Now if that wasn't an invitation to proclaim that banner then I don't know what is :)

When my time here on this earth is coming to a close, I want to look back knowing, not wondering, but knowing I lived a life honoring and pleasing to God.  Not only do I want to know, I want others to know by how I lived my life.  In those moments, I long to feel the lyrics of Matt Redman's 10,000 Reasons (Bless the Lord).....

And on that day when my strength is failing
the end draws near and my time has come
Still my soul will sing Your praise unending
10,000 years and then forever more

Moses built an altar and called it The LORD is my Banner - Exodus 17:15

Excuse Me, You're Blocking My Sun

I remember one particular summer day many many years ago when I was a teenager.  We lived across from the clubhouse so during summer break I would walk across the street and lay out at the swimming pool for hours at a time with some of my girlfriends that lived in the neighborhood.  On this said day, a group showed up at the clubhouse and was walking around talking to everyone.  Now, I don't do well talking to people I don't know so the no eye contact had to be enforced on my part and I certainly did not want to be bombarded by a group of individuals interrupting my tanning time as I badly needed those sun rays to interact with all that baby oil (or butter if I was out of oil) I had smothered myself with in order to give me that deep dark tan that I desperately wanted.  I mean I was on a mission for crying out loud and was soon needing to spray my hair with more lemon juice once the allotted time had passed since I had previously spritzed.  Plus, it's really hard to hear Mark & Brian, Jimbo Wood, and the jams of my favorite station I-95 when someone is trying to speak to you over the sound of the radio.  So what happened?  Of course they stopped and talked to us.  I honestly don't even remembered what all they said to us or how long they stood there blocking those precious sun rays but out of that entire conversation, there has been only one thing that I have ever remembered.  One of the guys in the group was sitting next to me and he asked me if I was a Christian.  I must have looked ridiculously confused because he then asked if I knew what a Christian was.  I then replied, "Oh yeah". 

How stupid I must have looked.  I don't even remember if he kept pressing me, prayed over me, or continued the conversation.  My guess would be all of those things but for whatever reason I don't remember.  I was so clueless at that time in my life.  So worldly.  So self absorbed....and apparently Vitamin D sufficient.  All I cared about in those moments was having fun and getting a nice tan.  I may have even fit in lunchtime if I was feeling light headed that day from not eating anything earlier as I would have basically slept until it was time to get "fixed up" for the pool, ignoring breakfast.  I could have cared less why those people were there and certainly did not know God, other than that He created the universe.  I bet those individuals would have loved to have a nice summer day relaxing by the pool with no worries but instead they were sacrificing.  I thought they were wasting a perfectly great day but in reality I was. They were out in 95 degree weather spreading the Gospel only to be denied and rejected who knows how many times my little punks like myself.  God was pursing me through those men and women who I looked at with my dim, dark, empty eyes yet thinking I was glowing all the while.  How weary those who carry out the work of the Lord must get sometimes when they seem to get nothing in return except bad attitudes, strange stares, ugly comments, and pure shut out.  But the Lord promises more.  In Matthew 11:28, Jesus says, Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. We were even reminded of this long before Jesus came to this earth.  Isaiah 40:31 tells us but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Years later God was gracious enough to pour out His mercy upon me and save me from a life apart from Him.  My father was not a Christian at the time and I remember sitting next to him in church one day.  Weeks, maybe a couple months prior, he began to seemingly show an interest in learning more about this God or Savior or whoever He was.  On that morning, it was the time during the service where the congregation was up singing hymns from our hymnals.  I was standing next to my father and I literally began shaking and could feel my heart beating so hard that I felt it was about to explode.  I kept thinking, "Ask him.  Just ask him if he wants me to walk up front with him.  He'll just say no.  He'll get mad if I ask.  I don't want to make him uncomfortable, God."  As the music and singing stopped, I knew I had missed my opportunity.  I felt sick.  I believed I was clearly having the Holy Spirit moving within me to invite my father to ask Jesus to be his Lord and Savior and I didn't because I was scared of my father's rejection.  Unintentionally, I was willing to risk my father spending an eternity in hell over my feelings being hurt by him saying no.  God has never allowed that memory to leave my mind.  My father eventually accepted Christ.

Proverbs 29:25 - Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe. 

2 Timothy tells us that God does not give us a spirit of fear or timidity but rather power and love and self discipline.  

From the lips of FDR, the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.  

What about the Chris Tomlin song, Whom Shall I Fear?

I know who goes before me 
I know who stands behind
The God of angel armies
is always by my side.
The One who reigns forever
He is a friend of mine
the God of angel armies
is always by my side.
Nothing formed against me shall stand!

Sharing the Gospel is not a suggestion.  It is a command.  

Mark 16:15 - He said to them, "Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation." 

Matthew 28:18-20 - Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.  Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything that I have commanded you.  And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." 

The psalmist reminds us in Psalm 107:2 saying, Let the redeemed of the LORD share their story, for they have been delivered from the hand of the foe.  

Paul encourages us in 2 Corinthians 9:13 - Because of the service by which you have proved yourselves, others will praise God for the obedience that accompanies your confession of the gospel of Christ, and for your generosity in sharing with them and with everyone else.

I am thankful beyond measure for God's grace.  I am thankful that I still remember those precious souls that came to the clubhouse that day.  I am thankful that my father's eternity wasn't totally dependent on my reaction that day in church.  I am thankful that God has a pursuant heart and doesn't turn His back on me even when I turn mine on Him.  I am thankful that He chooses to use us as His tools to bring others to Him.  I am thankful that I don't get an eternity which I deserve.  I am thankful.