The Great I AM. That is who God keeps telling me that He is. LORD. Yahweh - a name hardly even spoken by some because of its holiness. So holy and complete that it is unfathomable; yet, He chooses to interact with me. He chooses to take time to communicate with me even though I am not so pleasing to be around.
As I started off another day this morning just feeling burdened and hurt and emotional and stressed, I decided to have a pity party and have an attitude about it. I knew I was totally out of line by doing so but I pressed on in completely making my morning not so pleasant. Let me set the stage for you..
I received news yesterday that one of my former co-workers had passed away this past weekend. I had not seen him in a few years since I had left that business back in 2008. However, I have such fond memories of Leo and my time working with him in our office downtown. Since finding out the news of his passing, I was taken down memory lane these past two days. Needless to say, I had a strong desire to attend his funeral that was scheduled for this morning. I knew it may be a struggle to go to the funeral since I had a test this morning for one of my classes. Ok so that's life, right? Deal with it.
I just began to have such harsh feelings about my situation and how ridiculous it is that here I am, a 38 year old, in college trying to get a degree. Shouldn't that have been done 20 years ago? Now I can't even go to my friend's funeral because I have to take a stupid test because I'm in college...again....at 38 years of age. I had not heard from my professor about possibly leaving after taking the test, which irritated me more - like it was even her obligation to sit in front of her computer checking emails throughout the night. She was totally not in the wrong but this was just my mindset this morning. I continue going down this self destructing attitude even as I'm heading to class - decked out in my black suit in case I can go to the funeral by some chance. I receive a phone call from my boyfriend checking on me and I just began griping about my morning....and my life. Blah blah blah....
I decided to play Great I Am by New Life Worship after I got off the phone. Still with my attitude going on, I began just thinking how I KNOW I'm being a spoiled brat and totally ridiculous and well, God doesn't hesitate to back me up on that. He is reminding me that He is the Great I AM. He is bigger and more important than my pity party. Was I seriously letting myself say aloud that I am sick of my life and where I am in it? How ungrateful and self absorbed can I be? I mean talk about overreacting!
God reminded me of when Jesus had a particular man telling Him that he would follow Him but to let him say good-bye to his family. Jesus' response was "No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God." Another man wanted to go back and bury his father before following Jesus. Jesus' response was "Let the dead bury their own dead but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God." Doesn't that seem a little harsh? All they wanted to do was say good-bye, pay their respects. What's the big deal with that? Couldn't Jesus lighten up a bit? Umm..no. The Great I AM doesn't need to lighten up for anything. I needed to lighten up. Jesus felt it necessary to tell these men, who just wanted to say good-bye to their loved ones, to move forward and follow Him yet I'm pouting because I possibly can't go say good-bye to someone I haven't seen or talked to in several years? Something is wrong with that picture. Look, nothing was wrong with wanting to go to the funeral and being sad that it may not happen. What was wrong was that I was acting like a child about something quite petty in the big scheme of things. And to dare say that I have issue with my spoiled life was beyond ridiculous. What God reminded me of was that maybe I should be that passionate for Him. Sad and angry that I can't spend time with Him because of this or that. Sad or angry that I put other things or people ahead of Him. In the end, God still graciously decided to make it possible for me to attend the funeral and I did so. Totally undeserving of His grace and mercy, He gave it again this morning.
God continues to bless me more than I possibly deserve. He continues to be faithful and present even when I am not to Him. He continues to pursue me even when I don't pursue Him. He continues to reveal His love to me even when I don't love Him. He continues to do for me what I can't do for Him. I owe Him everything and He owes me nothing yet He gives me all I need and more. God is a jealous God. He wants my affections, attention, and life. God chose to have Christ give His life for me, a physical brutal death, so why is it so hard to give my life to Him sometimes? God isn't asking me to be brutally beaten, spit upon, flogged, or have nails driven through my hands or feet. He isn't asking me to endure hours upon hours of being mocked, judged, or tortured. He is simply wanting me to give a life of devotion and honor to Him. He is the Great I AM for crying out loud. What ELSE would he require of me? Anything less than total commitment to Him would be pointless.
Part of my reason for sharing this today is to obviously share how God works in my life but more so to be real and honest about how we Christians still struggle, have bad days, bad attitudes, and have pity parties. Even as I proclaim my faith in Christ, I don't ever want to come across as having it all together because I have Christ in my life. Although, I don't hesitate to say that my family and friends would second that motion in fully conveying that I don't have it all together and far from it! Christians are not perfect humans because we are Christians. We don't have a life of bliss without struggles, hardships, pit falls, or demons to fight. We live in sin every day - throughout the day! True Christians don't live a life parallel to the world but we do mess up. A lot. True Christians don't use their faith as an avenue to use legalism as a scapegoat to twist what they want to do or not do. True Christians don't judge but rather hold others accountable in love and allow themselves to be held accountable as well. True Christians don't walk around with their heads held high because they are better than the rest. We walk around full of humility desperately seeking God each and every day to deliver us from evil and lead us not into temptation because without His help, we will be obliterated....and we know this! We are not perfect but that doesn't give us the right to use that reason in vain.
What I am perfect in though is Christ. That may sound like a cliche or some "Christian talk" but it's reality. For that I am humbly grateful.
God almighty Great I AM, Who is worthy? None beside Thee.
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Monday, January 28, 2013
Could A Mother Leave Her Children?
If You're all You claim to be
Then I'm not losing anything
So I will crawl upon my knees
Just to know the joy of suffering
I will love You enough to let go
Lord, I give you my life
I give you my life
Those words are lyrics to a song, You Can Have Me, by Sidewalk Prophets. It is one of my most favorite songs and I listen to it often. Odd... because this morning a young lady driving home from her morning class had that song playing in her car for no particular reason at all. She kept saying how her heart had been heavy recently with the desire to venture out into "the mission field". She has never been on a mission trip and has used pretty much every excuse to not go in the past...money, children, work, time, low confidence or faith. She had even looked into going on a week long short term trip this upcoming summer.
As she drove home, her mind was overflowing with the playbacks of her Sunday morning church service from the previous day. Yes, a lot of good stuff was said that Sunday morning...making disciples of all nations; 11,000 people groups: 6,000 unreached; praying, giving, and going; multiplying leaders and churches; surrendering, abiding...
As she drove home, her mind was overflowing with the playbacks of her Sunday morning church service from the previous day. Yes, a lot of good stuff was said that Sunday morning...making disciples of all nations; 11,000 people groups: 6,000 unreached; praying, giving, and going; multiplying leaders and churches; surrendering, abiding...
Back up. Going? Ok what about going? She kept thinking to herself that there was definitely a place in her heart to go. Yes, she has been wanting to go on a mission trip. Ok, then why do the two wrong words keeping popping up...mid term. It is suppose to be short term. Those are the two correct words, God. Not mid term.
So...as she is driving home and playing You Can Have Me, she is talking to God and asking Him to show her what to do. She is asking Him to please clarify what this whole mid term thing is about because it can't possibly be the sane thing to do. As she is fighting the desire to look into this mid term thing, she is thinking about her situation - especially her kids. This lady is divorced with children. What is she suppose to do, Lord? Leave her children for the summer to go on some "mission trip"?? Isn't that a bit ridiculous? How would that affect her? How would that affect her children? Not to mention other obstacles that totally don't make sense for her to go away for the summer. A bit reactionary and ridiculous if you ask me.
God listens to her patiently and finally decides to chime in once she has to stop speaking long enought to take a breath! His questions were, "When did love become unmoving? When did love become unconsuming?" Hesitantly and a bit ashamed, her answer was a simple, "I don't know."
He then proceeds since she basically is speechless and obviously isn't going to continue blabbering. This is pretty much the breakdown:
God:
"What else would you do this summer? Sleep late? Stay around the house browsing the internet or Facebook? Watching TV? Work some? Maybe take a class? You're children are already going to be gone half the summer anyway. What exactly in all of that is productive in relation to the Kingdom or the 6,000 unreached people groups?"
Lady:
"Well, I guess I would do all of that stuff, yes. But I could do other stuff, too, like spend time with my kids, maybe spend time with ladies from church, visit family. I don't know, God. That is still months away. Maybe go on a week long mission trip. I don't know."
God:
"All of that stuff is good...church, family, week long mission trips. But those aren't the reasons you are being reluctant. You are content with missing church, family, friends, work, and school in order to possibly leave for the summer. You're scared. And you just don't want to leave your kids. Why?"
Lady:
Not wanting to admit it, she replies with tears in her eyes, "Because they may not miss me."
God:
"So you would rather miss My calling upon you, whatever that is? You're choosing to miss your children or their lack of missing you over missing Me? Do you not remember Luke 14:26-27? "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters, yes, even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple."
Lady:
"Yes, of course I remember. You've been reminding me! What if I go and am miserable because I get homesick?"
God:
"That's not your home."
Pause..with no words from the lady because she is overwhelmed with emotions.
God:
"You've been singing the words of this song to me...'Father of love, You can have me'... And not only do you sing them to me, you tell them to me throughout your days. So what's the deal? Can I really have you or not? I may or may not have you go away for a summer but that's for Me to decide. You are to just follow."
Lady:
"How do I know that it will even matter?"
God ceases to carry on the conversation at this point with the lady BUT... she received a text message at that time from a friend. Without going into specifics, the message confirmed that it does matter. Overwhelmed, the lady begins to cry and says "Ok, God. You can have me." She clings to the lyrics of that song again:
He then proceeds since she basically is speechless and obviously isn't going to continue blabbering. This is pretty much the breakdown:
God:
"What else would you do this summer? Sleep late? Stay around the house browsing the internet or Facebook? Watching TV? Work some? Maybe take a class? You're children are already going to be gone half the summer anyway. What exactly in all of that is productive in relation to the Kingdom or the 6,000 unreached people groups?"
Lady:
"Well, I guess I would do all of that stuff, yes. But I could do other stuff, too, like spend time with my kids, maybe spend time with ladies from church, visit family. I don't know, God. That is still months away. Maybe go on a week long mission trip. I don't know."
God:
"All of that stuff is good...church, family, week long mission trips. But those aren't the reasons you are being reluctant. You are content with missing church, family, friends, work, and school in order to possibly leave for the summer. You're scared. And you just don't want to leave your kids. Why?"
Lady:
Not wanting to admit it, she replies with tears in her eyes, "Because they may not miss me."
God:
"So you would rather miss My calling upon you, whatever that is? You're choosing to miss your children or their lack of missing you over missing Me? Do you not remember Luke 14:26-27? "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters, yes, even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple."
Lady:
"Yes, of course I remember. You've been reminding me! What if I go and am miserable because I get homesick?"
God:
"That's not your home."
Pause..with no words from the lady because she is overwhelmed with emotions.
God:
"You've been singing the words of this song to me...'Father of love, You can have me'... And not only do you sing them to me, you tell them to me throughout your days. So what's the deal? Can I really have you or not? I may or may not have you go away for a summer but that's for Me to decide. You are to just follow."
Lady:
"How do I know that it will even matter?"
God ceases to carry on the conversation at this point with the lady BUT... she received a text message at that time from a friend. Without going into specifics, the message confirmed that it does matter. Overwhelmed, the lady begins to cry and says "Ok, God. You can have me." She clings to the lyrics of that song again:
If You're all You claim to be
Then I'm not losing anything
So I will crawl upon my knees
Just to know the joy of suffering
I will love You enough to let go
Lord, I give you my life
I give you my life
I know this lady and she constantly has to be reminded that the things of this world are temporary and quite frankly unimportant. Yes, God gives us gifts like family and friends, homes, and even monetary resources to be used to glorify Him, but it all stays here. What is more important to her? The comforts of her life or the life that God would have her life out for Him? She was struck by the line "So I will crawl upon my knees just to know the joy of suffering". Wow. The joy of suffering. Really? Honestly, the thought of being away from her children for weeks upon weeks would bring her to her knees quite often I would imagine but would the cost be worth it? Couldn't she find joy in being a vessel that God was using while away from her children? Wouldn't it be worth it in the long run, the big picture? Aren't we suppose to live a sacrificial life for Christ? To a mother, the thought of being away from her children is heart-breaking but is it a sacrifice? I think so.
1 Peter 5:10 And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.
James 1:2-4 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.
Romans 8:18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.
Hebrews 12:11 For the moment all disciples seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to whose who have been trained by it.
I don't what's in store for this young lady but I do know that she will pursue whatever it is that the Lord is leading her to do. It may not be in God's plan for her to go anywhere at this particular time for this particular summer but she declared to, at minimal, be obedient enough to find out. Should a trip be in her future now or for another time, I think she was reminded that if she loves Christ as she claims, she will follow Him. Trust Him. Believe He is who He claims to be. Reminded that she is totally dependent upon Him for everything. Reminded that daily time with Him is imperative - whether it's heartfelt praises, prayers, singing, or even trying to talk herself out of something she feels Him leading her to do. It's about being real and intimate enough to be honest and vulnerable with the One who loves her most. However, it's really a matter of whether she loves Him most in her life.
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Are You Qualified or Called?
God does not call the qualified, He qualifies THE CALLED. Genesis 50:19-21. Random. Do those two sentences even go together? My guess would be...uh...negative. Well, let's just see...Wait...hold up...maybe before I try to figure out how those two thoughts might be intertwined I should first consider why God even put those thoughts on my heart to begin with in the first place.
Thought #1 - God does not call the qualified, He qualifies THE CALLED. This is my screen saver so I see this many times a day, every single day. Why has this been speaking to me the past 24 hours? That part is pretty clear to be honest. As I embark on another journey, I am HUMBLY reminded that this next avenue that God has me on is NOT about me. This is totally and completely about Him, His glory, His purpose - ouch! - oh wow, there's that word, purpose, that's been on my mind recently and leaving me in a restless place....hmmm...ok, refocus...yeah so totally and completely about Him, His glory, His purpose, His work, His healing, His story. I am not on this road because I am equipped to be there. God knows I know that! But in some sort of twisted way I think the enemy of my soul would like for me to believe otherwise. To believe that I am equipped. To believe that I can do this with little help from God because I've been there done that. Of course, the enemy clearly knows that I would fall flat on my face completely dishonoring and belittling my Lord by thinking and doing so. The enemy isn't always so blatantly ugly, loud, or disruptive but rather subtle, quiet, and sneaky. Even to the point of making us feel like we are doing good and honoring our God when in fact we are just doing good for and honoring ourselves, which my friends is called pride and self idolatry.
Interesting. While sitting down to write this post I really thought I knew what I would type out here. I must say it certainly wasn't anything about my pride or my abilities aside from God. Yeah, real funny, God. But as I digress, my random thoughts are being pulled back into the realm of knowing that God doesn't use those who are qualified to do his work. Only one man did that and his name was Jesus. God does however use those who are obedient to his calling; therefore, equipping those with whatever needs are to be met. I mean for crying out loud, the God of the universe created all that exists within it and outside of it and we so often think God can't handle something or can't use something or someone. How ridiculous and immature we are..LOL. Yes, I just put LOL in my blog but I'm sorry, it's funny :) Admittedly I often struggle with wondering why God chooses to waste his time with me but more so I struggle when I see others struggling with wondering why God should choose to use them. To hear words come out of the mouths of women, for instance, who clearly believe they are worthless and unusable completely saddens me and infuriates me at the same time. To have a deep felt compassion for women who are so broken because of the lies and deception being fed into their minds yet having my blood boil because I see the stronghold of the nails of satan digging into that soul completely drives me to spend the rest of my life fighting for the kingdom of God rather than silently sitting back advocating the depths of hell! I believe that if God picks me up and sits me down in a place where I am to share His love, His Word, or His grace, then He will equip me to do so. Bottom line.
Thought #2 - Genesis 50:19-21. This part of scripture says But Joseph said to them, “Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. So then, don’t be afraid. I will provide for you and your children.” And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them. This part of scripture is referring to Joseph speaking to his brothers who had years before sold him into slavery. His brothers feared revenge and bitter feelings from Joseph. Rather, Joseph was loving and gracious. Not only did Joseph have no harsh feelings toward his brothers but he proclaimed the good work of God's hands in all of that was intended for harm and exceeded that by providing for many generations to come. So, this will be quite random with me sorting through this so brace yourselves and try to keep up. First, don't be afraid. Any harm that was intended for me and was given to me has and will be used for God's glory. God has this covered. If I continue with the verse it says "what is being done now". Being done now is present tense. Not past. Not future. Now. Secondly, if I throw in the word accomplish in my dissection of the verses then apparently God is "finishing" or "completing" his work.... in the saving of many lives. The saving of many lives sounds pretty much like that's from a source of good intentions that were met by harmful intentions that were imposed. So basically, why be afraid of anything that happens to us or anything that we may be harboring from our past if we dwell in the place of God??? As my pastor so often says, "He has this thing rigged" so I think God has it covered.
Another point being, why be afraid that we aren't qualified to be a tool that God can use? Let's just be honest and confess that we aren't qualified and must totally and completely rely on Him to provide what we need. The sooner we swallow our pride and admit we are more than insufficient and wholly dependent on God then we could move along much faster with God's plan for us rather than wandering in the wilderness for 40 years but that's another blog!
Oh my grapes it is my desire to see women rise up from the ashes of self absorbed feminism and entitlement to the feet of Christ. Sound odd? Wondering how in the world do you rise up to feet that are standing on the ground? You rise up from that pit and fall on your face where those feet are waiting that's how. The one and only God who breathed life into every existence can certainly use someone's sin to glorify himself. In fact, it's probably pretty simple and a no brainer. This isn't a chess match we're playing with God and putting bets on who will have check mate in the end. He will. Regardless.
It is my prayer that women will fall back to the Lord with humility and submission. To not hold on so tightly to the lies but rather cling to the truth that sits there waiting to be grasped. Women are special and have tremendous influence over all others - children, men, and yes other women. I have experienced that influence through women that God chose to put in my life as an answered prayer and according to His will. Thank God this time it was positive godly influences that gave me hope that women can in fact be capable, supportive, accountable, and submissive while all along revealing to me that it is those qualities that make them strong and successful. And quite honestly in my opinion, much more strong and successful than any high powered, ladder climbing executive, bread winning woman who lives a life apart from God.
I have seen with my own eyes and heard with my own ears the fruit bore and spoken through a broken, feeble, deceived, full of despair woman who by the grace of God was raised up by His hands to glorify Him with her junk through her clinging faith in Him. And might I add that He even gave this woman her first dance one special evening to this song...
Thought #1 - God does not call the qualified, He qualifies THE CALLED. This is my screen saver so I see this many times a day, every single day. Why has this been speaking to me the past 24 hours? That part is pretty clear to be honest. As I embark on another journey, I am HUMBLY reminded that this next avenue that God has me on is NOT about me. This is totally and completely about Him, His glory, His purpose - ouch! - oh wow, there's that word, purpose, that's been on my mind recently and leaving me in a restless place....hmmm...ok, refocus...yeah so totally and completely about Him, His glory, His purpose, His work, His healing, His story. I am not on this road because I am equipped to be there. God knows I know that! But in some sort of twisted way I think the enemy of my soul would like for me to believe otherwise. To believe that I am equipped. To believe that I can do this with little help from God because I've been there done that. Of course, the enemy clearly knows that I would fall flat on my face completely dishonoring and belittling my Lord by thinking and doing so. The enemy isn't always so blatantly ugly, loud, or disruptive but rather subtle, quiet, and sneaky. Even to the point of making us feel like we are doing good and honoring our God when in fact we are just doing good for and honoring ourselves, which my friends is called pride and self idolatry.
Interesting. While sitting down to write this post I really thought I knew what I would type out here. I must say it certainly wasn't anything about my pride or my abilities aside from God. Yeah, real funny, God. But as I digress, my random thoughts are being pulled back into the realm of knowing that God doesn't use those who are qualified to do his work. Only one man did that and his name was Jesus. God does however use those who are obedient to his calling; therefore, equipping those with whatever needs are to be met. I mean for crying out loud, the God of the universe created all that exists within it and outside of it and we so often think God can't handle something or can't use something or someone. How ridiculous and immature we are..LOL. Yes, I just put LOL in my blog but I'm sorry, it's funny :) Admittedly I often struggle with wondering why God chooses to waste his time with me but more so I struggle when I see others struggling with wondering why God should choose to use them. To hear words come out of the mouths of women, for instance, who clearly believe they are worthless and unusable completely saddens me and infuriates me at the same time. To have a deep felt compassion for women who are so broken because of the lies and deception being fed into their minds yet having my blood boil because I see the stronghold of the nails of satan digging into that soul completely drives me to spend the rest of my life fighting for the kingdom of God rather than silently sitting back advocating the depths of hell! I believe that if God picks me up and sits me down in a place where I am to share His love, His Word, or His grace, then He will equip me to do so. Bottom line.
Thought #2 - Genesis 50:19-21. This part of scripture says But Joseph said to them, “Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. So then, don’t be afraid. I will provide for you and your children.” And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them. This part of scripture is referring to Joseph speaking to his brothers who had years before sold him into slavery. His brothers feared revenge and bitter feelings from Joseph. Rather, Joseph was loving and gracious. Not only did Joseph have no harsh feelings toward his brothers but he proclaimed the good work of God's hands in all of that was intended for harm and exceeded that by providing for many generations to come. So, this will be quite random with me sorting through this so brace yourselves and try to keep up. First, don't be afraid. Any harm that was intended for me and was given to me has and will be used for God's glory. God has this covered. If I continue with the verse it says "what is being done now". Being done now is present tense. Not past. Not future. Now. Secondly, if I throw in the word accomplish in my dissection of the verses then apparently God is "finishing" or "completing" his work.... in the saving of many lives. The saving of many lives sounds pretty much like that's from a source of good intentions that were met by harmful intentions that were imposed. So basically, why be afraid of anything that happens to us or anything that we may be harboring from our past if we dwell in the place of God??? As my pastor so often says, "He has this thing rigged" so I think God has it covered.
Another point being, why be afraid that we aren't qualified to be a tool that God can use? Let's just be honest and confess that we aren't qualified and must totally and completely rely on Him to provide what we need. The sooner we swallow our pride and admit we are more than insufficient and wholly dependent on God then we could move along much faster with God's plan for us rather than wandering in the wilderness for 40 years but that's another blog!
Oh my grapes it is my desire to see women rise up from the ashes of self absorbed feminism and entitlement to the feet of Christ. Sound odd? Wondering how in the world do you rise up to feet that are standing on the ground? You rise up from that pit and fall on your face where those feet are waiting that's how. The one and only God who breathed life into every existence can certainly use someone's sin to glorify himself. In fact, it's probably pretty simple and a no brainer. This isn't a chess match we're playing with God and putting bets on who will have check mate in the end. He will. Regardless.
It is my prayer that women will fall back to the Lord with humility and submission. To not hold on so tightly to the lies but rather cling to the truth that sits there waiting to be grasped. Women are special and have tremendous influence over all others - children, men, and yes other women. I have experienced that influence through women that God chose to put in my life as an answered prayer and according to His will. Thank God this time it was positive godly influences that gave me hope that women can in fact be capable, supportive, accountable, and submissive while all along revealing to me that it is those qualities that make them strong and successful. And quite honestly in my opinion, much more strong and successful than any high powered, ladder climbing executive, bread winning woman who lives a life apart from God.
I have seen with my own eyes and heard with my own ears the fruit bore and spoken through a broken, feeble, deceived, full of despair woman who by the grace of God was raised up by His hands to glorify Him with her junk through her clinging faith in Him. And might I add that He even gave this woman her first dance one special evening to this song...
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