If You're all You claim to be
Then I'm not losing anything
So I will crawl upon my knees
Just to know the joy of suffering
I will love You enough to let go
Lord, I give you my life
I give you my life
Those words are lyrics to a song, You Can Have Me, by Sidewalk Prophets. It is one of my most favorite songs and I listen to it often. Odd... because this morning a young lady driving home from her morning class had that song playing in her car for no particular reason at all. She kept saying how her heart had been heavy recently with the desire to venture out into "the mission field". She has never been on a mission trip and has used pretty much every excuse to not go in the past...money, children, work, time, low confidence or faith. She had even looked into going on a week long short term trip this upcoming summer.
As she drove home, her mind was overflowing with the playbacks of her Sunday morning church service from the previous day. Yes, a lot of good stuff was said that Sunday morning...making disciples of all nations; 11,000 people groups: 6,000 unreached; praying, giving, and going; multiplying leaders and churches; surrendering, abiding...
As she drove home, her mind was overflowing with the playbacks of her Sunday morning church service from the previous day. Yes, a lot of good stuff was said that Sunday morning...making disciples of all nations; 11,000 people groups: 6,000 unreached; praying, giving, and going; multiplying leaders and churches; surrendering, abiding...
Back up. Going? Ok what about going? She kept thinking to herself that there was definitely a place in her heart to go. Yes, she has been wanting to go on a mission trip. Ok, then why do the two wrong words keeping popping up...mid term. It is suppose to be short term. Those are the two correct words, God. Not mid term.
So...as she is driving home and playing You Can Have Me, she is talking to God and asking Him to show her what to do. She is asking Him to please clarify what this whole mid term thing is about because it can't possibly be the sane thing to do. As she is fighting the desire to look into this mid term thing, she is thinking about her situation - especially her kids. This lady is divorced with children. What is she suppose to do, Lord? Leave her children for the summer to go on some "mission trip"?? Isn't that a bit ridiculous? How would that affect her? How would that affect her children? Not to mention other obstacles that totally don't make sense for her to go away for the summer. A bit reactionary and ridiculous if you ask me.
God listens to her patiently and finally decides to chime in once she has to stop speaking long enought to take a breath! His questions were, "When did love become unmoving? When did love become unconsuming?" Hesitantly and a bit ashamed, her answer was a simple, "I don't know."
He then proceeds since she basically is speechless and obviously isn't going to continue blabbering. This is pretty much the breakdown:
God:
"What else would you do this summer? Sleep late? Stay around the house browsing the internet or Facebook? Watching TV? Work some? Maybe take a class? You're children are already going to be gone half the summer anyway. What exactly in all of that is productive in relation to the Kingdom or the 6,000 unreached people groups?"
Lady:
"Well, I guess I would do all of that stuff, yes. But I could do other stuff, too, like spend time with my kids, maybe spend time with ladies from church, visit family. I don't know, God. That is still months away. Maybe go on a week long mission trip. I don't know."
God:
"All of that stuff is good...church, family, week long mission trips. But those aren't the reasons you are being reluctant. You are content with missing church, family, friends, work, and school in order to possibly leave for the summer. You're scared. And you just don't want to leave your kids. Why?"
Lady:
Not wanting to admit it, she replies with tears in her eyes, "Because they may not miss me."
God:
"So you would rather miss My calling upon you, whatever that is? You're choosing to miss your children or their lack of missing you over missing Me? Do you not remember Luke 14:26-27? "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters, yes, even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple."
Lady:
"Yes, of course I remember. You've been reminding me! What if I go and am miserable because I get homesick?"
God:
"That's not your home."
Pause..with no words from the lady because she is overwhelmed with emotions.
God:
"You've been singing the words of this song to me...'Father of love, You can have me'... And not only do you sing them to me, you tell them to me throughout your days. So what's the deal? Can I really have you or not? I may or may not have you go away for a summer but that's for Me to decide. You are to just follow."
Lady:
"How do I know that it will even matter?"
God ceases to carry on the conversation at this point with the lady BUT... she received a text message at that time from a friend. Without going into specifics, the message confirmed that it does matter. Overwhelmed, the lady begins to cry and says "Ok, God. You can have me." She clings to the lyrics of that song again:
He then proceeds since she basically is speechless and obviously isn't going to continue blabbering. This is pretty much the breakdown:
God:
"What else would you do this summer? Sleep late? Stay around the house browsing the internet or Facebook? Watching TV? Work some? Maybe take a class? You're children are already going to be gone half the summer anyway. What exactly in all of that is productive in relation to the Kingdom or the 6,000 unreached people groups?"
Lady:
"Well, I guess I would do all of that stuff, yes. But I could do other stuff, too, like spend time with my kids, maybe spend time with ladies from church, visit family. I don't know, God. That is still months away. Maybe go on a week long mission trip. I don't know."
God:
"All of that stuff is good...church, family, week long mission trips. But those aren't the reasons you are being reluctant. You are content with missing church, family, friends, work, and school in order to possibly leave for the summer. You're scared. And you just don't want to leave your kids. Why?"
Lady:
Not wanting to admit it, she replies with tears in her eyes, "Because they may not miss me."
God:
"So you would rather miss My calling upon you, whatever that is? You're choosing to miss your children or their lack of missing you over missing Me? Do you not remember Luke 14:26-27? "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters, yes, even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple."
Lady:
"Yes, of course I remember. You've been reminding me! What if I go and am miserable because I get homesick?"
God:
"That's not your home."
Pause..with no words from the lady because she is overwhelmed with emotions.
God:
"You've been singing the words of this song to me...'Father of love, You can have me'... And not only do you sing them to me, you tell them to me throughout your days. So what's the deal? Can I really have you or not? I may or may not have you go away for a summer but that's for Me to decide. You are to just follow."
Lady:
"How do I know that it will even matter?"
God ceases to carry on the conversation at this point with the lady BUT... she received a text message at that time from a friend. Without going into specifics, the message confirmed that it does matter. Overwhelmed, the lady begins to cry and says "Ok, God. You can have me." She clings to the lyrics of that song again:
If You're all You claim to be
Then I'm not losing anything
So I will crawl upon my knees
Just to know the joy of suffering
I will love You enough to let go
Lord, I give you my life
I give you my life
I know this lady and she constantly has to be reminded that the things of this world are temporary and quite frankly unimportant. Yes, God gives us gifts like family and friends, homes, and even monetary resources to be used to glorify Him, but it all stays here. What is more important to her? The comforts of her life or the life that God would have her life out for Him? She was struck by the line "So I will crawl upon my knees just to know the joy of suffering". Wow. The joy of suffering. Really? Honestly, the thought of being away from her children for weeks upon weeks would bring her to her knees quite often I would imagine but would the cost be worth it? Couldn't she find joy in being a vessel that God was using while away from her children? Wouldn't it be worth it in the long run, the big picture? Aren't we suppose to live a sacrificial life for Christ? To a mother, the thought of being away from her children is heart-breaking but is it a sacrifice? I think so.
1 Peter 5:10 And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.
James 1:2-4 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.
Romans 8:18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.
Hebrews 12:11 For the moment all disciples seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to whose who have been trained by it.
I don't what's in store for this young lady but I do know that she will pursue whatever it is that the Lord is leading her to do. It may not be in God's plan for her to go anywhere at this particular time for this particular summer but she declared to, at minimal, be obedient enough to find out. Should a trip be in her future now or for another time, I think she was reminded that if she loves Christ as she claims, she will follow Him. Trust Him. Believe He is who He claims to be. Reminded that she is totally dependent upon Him for everything. Reminded that daily time with Him is imperative - whether it's heartfelt praises, prayers, singing, or even trying to talk herself out of something she feels Him leading her to do. It's about being real and intimate enough to be honest and vulnerable with the One who loves her most. However, it's really a matter of whether she loves Him most in her life.
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