So I was having a fairly uneventful morning then I receive a phone call from someone I love dearly. How is it that so many times in our lives that unknowingly dreaded "phone call" can totally transform our day or even our lives? One moment earlier everything was fine and the next moment it changes. No matter how small or big the situation, it affects us and the ones we love.
My boyfriend, Jeffrey, called and I was told immediately that the call was for prayers and wisdom. He sounded extremely burdened and anxious. Without going into great detail, he has a commitment that was planned 3 months ago. He is supposed to be going away to serve in a men's ministry so.....of course he is needed at work all weekend as he finds out this morning. Oh and by the way, he is supposed to be leaving TOMORROW. Yeah.
Although I didn't give it away on the phone, I instantly became over-protective and angry. I told him I was going to have some friends pray about it, pray myself, and then return his call. I hung up the phone and was asking myself if this was really happening. Seriously? Of course, I'm now angry at Jeffrey, the person asking him to work, and God. So why am I angry and all three of them? Well, I felt angry at Jeffrey because he clearly didn't relay the importance and necessity of this weekend with his boss (mind you this is want was going on in my head so it wasn't necessarily the case). I felt angry at his boss for being selfish enough to ask Jeffrey to work knowing Jeffrey already had this commitment and I got angry at God for allowing this to happen. My main beef was with God. How could He allow Jeffrey to be put in this situation? God certainly allowed Jeffrey to be led into committing to this, allowed him to go through the process for 12 weeks, and now this? The day before he was to leave he is just suppose to choose work or Him? If I'm honest I was borderline infuriated.
So I texted my friends asking for their prayers and then prepped myself for prayer. I turned on my gospel playlist to help my mood prior to bringing myself before the Lord. I browsed through my playlist to try and find the right song or what I thought would be appropriate for the situation and my mood. I finally played "It Is Well With My Soul". As the music started I crouched over and just closed my eyes and I began to pray. However, it was not well with my soul and I voiced that. I began telling God that I was not happy about this, this predicament was NOT well with my soul, and then had the audacity to question Him and His purpose in this. To make things worse, my heart was aching for Jeffrey because I knew he was struggling with this decision to the point of physical sickness - which is not of his character. When someone I love is hurting or struggling, my emotions tend to lean towards anger rather than sadness. Jeffrey was burdened so I was burdened. I was pleading with God to show favor towards Jeffrey and to remember the heart that Jeffrey has for Him. I wanted God to honor my prayers, Jeffrey's prayers, and whoever else we had praying. I wanted those prayers honored on the basis of God reflecting on Jeffrey's heart. Although my intentions were good, I was basing this on Jeffrey's heart rather than God's character. Know what the next song to play on my playlist was? "Jealous". God is a jealous God and has every right to be without question or even answering for that matter.
After I wrapped up my prayer degrading God's character, I eventually asked for myself to not make this about me or anything else but Him. Well, I had already made it about anything but Him. God simply told me that if He wanted to remind Jeffrey and/or myself that He is to be put first and foremost, then He could do it any way that He chooses. If this request of Jeffrey's boss was to be some sort of reality check on what's really important in our lives, then so be it. Not that choosing work or the weekend was the right or wrong answer but that no matter the situation, we are to always think of Him first and seek His Will - "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your way My ways. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9
But....much to my surprise, God makes His next question and statement directly to me. He says, "You want favor? Honor me then."
Yeah, just let that soak in for a moment.....
Ok, isn't this suppose to be about Jeffrey or the weekend or something? How did this get turned on me? Well, He answers that for me too. For one, I had the nerve to actually question His motives and His way about doing it. Secondly, I was asking for God to show favor and honor us. Now I could obviously pull out one of my verses I always cling to - James 5:16 which speaks of how the prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective or even the Matthew 18:19 that talks about gathering with two or more and asking for anything and it will be done. Who knows, maybe I did. However, in typical Lisa fashion I looked up the word favor and the word honor.
Favor - to give special regard to; something done or granted out of goodwill
Honor - high regard or great respect given; a showing of merited respect
I also wondered if there was anything in the bible that spoke of honor and favor together. Well one verse came up and in a version that I NEVER read....
The CES version say God shows favor to those who honor Him, listening to their cries for help and saving them - Psalm 145:19
Now I am only speaking of myself right now but God was absolutely spot on. Big surprise. Some of my actions and lifestyle choices here lately have not been very honoring to God. I was reminded that I am living in areas of clear disobedience yet asking for God to show favor to my pleas. God even went a little deeper and told me that I, at times, am not even honoring to Jeffrey. I have the ability to have an influence in Jeffrey's life and I tend to take that lightly.
I think that's enough said on that issue.
To end things and back track a bit, I had been listening to WDJC all morning, prior to speaking to Jeffrey, waiting for a song to come on that I was wanting to download to my playlist but I didn't know the name of it. After my ordeal this morning and getting out of my bratty mood, I felt led to write about this. I sat down at my computer, got situated, and the song finally came on the radio. I immediately downloaded it and have had it on repeat all day. It's "His Kind of Love" by Group 1 Crew. I looked at my clock and it came on at 1pm exactly. One. First. Put Me first is what I kept hearing. That is what is honoring to Him.
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