When I was a prostitute When I was a drunk When I was an addict When I was high on pride When I was a rebel When I was an adulteress When I was lost When I bought all the lies My dreams and fantasies were unzipped boxes, diamonds all around jet airliners waiting, snow on the ground My prince charming whisking me away no worries or cares, only how I would play You were watching all along brokenhearted and crushed within Your spirit Resounding Your name upon my deaf ears not even fighting to hear it My heart cried out for Your presence while melting away like chocolate in my hands To make Yourself known like trumpets playing from ten thousand bands Your pursuit leaves me exhausted even more as I can't keep up with running to afar Keeping my back turned the water from my eyes are filling up the jars But it's my eyes You want to see to hold my cheeks in Your hands To give me all You have to offer love that covers the lands It was, it is, will always be Your sting that bites me as a sinner But Your mercies rain on me for free
and covers my filth void of 30 pieces of silver
My prayers are void my thoughts are lost I'm wandering about my ways lost in translation I'm being swallowed by the days The moon shines brightly and the sun begins to fade another day gone, another time lost I toss and turn all the night long wondering if my place is at the foot of the cross Satan stands at my door and crouching all around are demons from my past calling out my name They scratch my back and caress my hair telling me it's all the same Impostors making me feel at ease telling me the world is mine With gentle whispers soft as the breeze pulling me in line by line I pound my hands thrashing back and forth wondering where You are, why You're leaving me here on the floor It's then I realize I have no strength no power without you as my Lord, My Defender of every hour I want to fall in love with the One who loves me most Who praises me and treasures me as His Beloved - that I can boast He is mine and I am His in that there is no shame Nothing can separate the love He has for me the one He calls by name ~Anonymous
Where to begin? I am so overwhelmed with thoughts and feelings because of all the news and Facebook drama on gay marriage that I can't even put together a complete thought. I guess I"ll start with some of the comments that I saw that really struck a nerve with me and continues to send a chill up my spine (as my mom would say) the more I see them. "Who am I to judge someone else?" "I don't want you telling me what I do or believe is wrong." "The Bible says for us to love one another." "The gay population is here to stay." - Yep that one is a doozy! "We were all made equal." First issue - "Who am I to judge someone else?" Well, first of all, if you mean that you are in no place to judge someone then I applaud you for somewhat subtly admitting your sinful nature and that you fall short of taking on the title of Judger. However, if you are saying that in regards to not holding one another accountable then I take back my applaud. Accountability couldn't be more biblical. I struggle with which verses not to share on this because there are so many! Here's a few NIVs... Proverbs 24:24-25 Whoever says to the guilty, "You are innocent," will be cursed by peoples and denounced by nations. But it will go well with those who convict the guilty, and rich blessing will come on them.God is not going to honor your "I won't judge anyone" attitude while you sit back and let others self destruct. Ezekiel 3:18-19 When I say to a wicked person, ‘You will surely die,’ and you do not warn them or speak out to dissuade them from their evil ways in order to save their life, that wicked person will die for their sin, and I will hold you accountable for their blood.But if you do warn the wicked person and they do not turn from their wickedness or from their evil ways, they will die for their sin; but you will have saved yourself. Don't like the word "accountable" that was chosen to be used in the NIV version? Ok, well the King James version says "but his blood I require at thine hand". Hmmm... Oh yeah, here's a cute little proverb... Proverbs 12:15 The way of the fool seems right to them, but the wise listen to advice. Interesting. Who is giving the advice if we aren't to be holding one another accountable??? And to whom is the wise listening?? Kind of reminds me of one of my most favorite verses... James 5:16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. Confessing sin? To one another? Sounds to me that we are to not only hold others accountable but wearetobeheldaccountable by others. Why else would we be confessing our sins to one another and praying for each other? And just as a side note, nowhere in that verse is there harsh judgment, finger pointing, picking on someone, or treating someone unfairly. Galatians 6:1 Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. Second issue - "I don't want you telling me what I do or believe is wrong." Ok, well that's just prideful. Now would I want just anyone coming up to me telling me how horrible of a person I am for my beliefs or the way I live my life? No. Who would? Which is part of the problem for those of us who attack and condescend and do it unloving. But to make a statement that you don't want others telling you what you do is wrong is being selfish and prideful. Guess what? You really may be in the wrong. Third issue - "The Bible says for us to love one another." Yes. Yes it does. However, I personally feel that this is one of THE MOST ABUSED AND TWISTED verses of the Bible! I assume most of you that throw this verse out there are referring to the John 13 verse that says, "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another." Loving one another is not letting each other do whatever we want, especially when it's a clear indicator of rebellion. It's not letting each other live in continual sin and deception. It's not "staying out of their business" when it is eternal life and death on the line. Please don't twist that verse or any other verse remotely like that to fit to your agenda or as a pass for twisted anti-legalism. Fourth issue - "The gay population is here to stay." Seriously? Am I watching Grease right now? Is Rock N Roll Is Here To Stay playing right now? Now it's playing in my head... Rock N Roll is here to stay it will never die It was meant to be that way though I don't know why I don't care what people say Rock N Roll is here to stay Ok, the gay population is here to stay and it will never die and we don't know why and we don't care what people say soooo..... everybody just jump on board? Well murders, adulterers, and thieves have always been around also. Do we just need to jump on board with them and just let them go about doing what they think isn't wrong? Or do we just need to love them too without holding them accountable? I know every time I turn around people are screaming they want justice and how people should be held accountable for their actions. Being homosexual isn't a crime in the United States so I'm not intending to compare the consequences for a homosexual verses a murderer but to make a comment like the above mentioned is absurd. Fifth issue - "We were all made equal." Where have I been because I'm still having trouble finding a biblical basis to back up that comment? I'm not aware of anything in the bible that says we were all created equal. I guess if you mean that we were all created in the image of God, then I can see where you are coming from but that doesn't make us equal....and I'm pretty sure it doesn't make us equal in the way you are using the term. God loves us equally but we were not made or born equally. And quite honestly, God does show favor on some. Although if you just need a verse to cling to on equality, I would recommend Galatians 3:28 that says There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male or female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. So if you really want to be have harmony and equality for all and us all be the same, be in Christ because God sees ALL who is in Christ to be blameless and pure and clothed in righteousness. The fact of the matter is that there will always be disagreements and differences of opinions, lifestyles, and beliefs. That doesn't mean we can't or shouldn't love each other. Heck, the bible says to love and pray for our enemies so I'm not disputing that point. I am disputing the point that judgment and accountability are equal or the same. They aren't. And they are both biblical. What bothers and concerns me is hating that my children are growing up in this Babylonian society in which we live. We, as a general consensus, continually turn our backs on God and live life how we want. We think we are owed something and want others to pay for it or turn it over to us for nothing. We want nothing to do with God until we need something. We don't want to live by His "rules" because that would actually be us submitting to a higher power and we all know we are too good for that, right? We all deserve to be happy rather than holy. I'm often reminded that the Bible isn't a 1000 piece puzzle set that we put together to make the picture that we want. We don't get to pick the pieces that we like and throw away the pieces we don't want. We don't get to substitute or change the pieces. There is only one picture! We can choose to put the pieces together THAT WE WERE GIVEN to reflect the picture that God made. Just because a piece doesn't sit well with us doesn't mean it can be discarded. Maybe if it doesn't sit well with us, then we are the wrong piece and we need to be reshaped by the Creator of the puzzle. I hate to say it but if that puzzle you call the Bible doesn't fit your agenda, then maybe you don't believe in the Bible. There are a lot of things in the Bible that hit me like a ton of bricks sometimes but that's only because I am living a life away from the desire of God in that area. It doesn't mean I can just say "Well, I don't like that so I don't believe that part. I'm going to stick with the good stuff like don't judge and love all. Oh and don't forget about the GRACE part where I can do whatever I want but it's ok because I have grace. Jesus said so." James 2:10 says For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it. James 2 is one of the many reminders that we will always be guilty of sin, no matter the size of the sin. I personally believe homosexuality is a sin. However, let's not put homosexuals on some sort of pedestal where their sin deserves more attention or a lack of. I 100% believe that the enemy loves devouring the covenant of marriage and the perspective that is given to marriage. It is to be a reflection of Christ and the Church. It is to be with the Bride and Bridegroom, not Bride and Bride, not Bridegroom and Bridegroom. So what, now being born gay is the issue at hand. We are born liars too so does make it ok for us to lie all of the time? Some of us are born with physical handicaps. Does that mean that someone who is born deaf has to stay deaf or are we not always promoting for that person to receive some sort of healing or even a hearing aid so that person can hear? Are babies that are born addicted to drugs because their mother was strung out still justified in living a life of a drug addict? I don't recall any of those issues being the fault of the one born. May not make sense, however, it still happened and God allowed it for whatever reason. The good news is that submitting our lives to Christ, overpowers all of that sin - regardless of what it is. Joel 2:16 Gather the people, consecrate the assembly; bring together the elders, gather the children, those nursing at the breast. Let the bridegroom leave his room and the bride her chamber. Honestly all of this discord going on with gay marriage isn't the issue at hand. The issue is that too many of us care less about God or His Word. He is revered as a God of convenience who we can get mad at when we want and love when we want. He is not at the center of our desires and we are not a God fearing society who is after God's own heart. Funny....we could learn a lot from King David, who we would probably consider an immoral barbaric brute! He would be obliterated in our society but he always went back to desiring God and His heart. He cried out to God! Yet amongst all of David's shortcomings, I'd say God still had favor upon him. Wonder why???.... I'll sum up this post with the following...
Romans 1:18-32
New International Version (NIV)
God’s Wrath Against Sinful Humanity
18 The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of people, who suppress the truth by their wickedness,19 since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them.20 For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse. 21 For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened.22 Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools23 and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like a mortal human being and birds and animals and reptiles. 24 Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another.25 They exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen. 26 Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones.27 In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed shameful acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their error. 28 Furthermore, just as they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, so God gave them over to a depraved mind, so that they do what ought not to be done.29 They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips,30 slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents;31 they have no understanding, no fidelity, no love, no mercy.32 Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.
As a sweet friend of mine, Jenni, often says, "I am giddy with giddiness", and that's exactly how I feel today so I am stealing her unspoken patent for the day :) This may very likely be one of those posts that only I connect to and one of those "you had to be there moments" but I still just had to share my giddiness today for God! I have been blank and empty on my thoughts the past few weeks as far as jotting down my feelings here on this thing I call a blog. I've struggled with even feeling led to write anything and the few times I did think about writing were going to turn into venting sessions and vainly temporarily release some negative junk I had going on in my head. Not good and certainly wouldn't have been glorifying the Lord in any way. Thankfully, the Lord reminded me not to post such issues and move on with a different attitude...one that was focused on Him. Throughout these past few weeks, I have struggled with that. Not intentionally so much to make things about myself but it happened nonetheless. These past couple of months have required much prayer, focus, intention, and devotion on my part. I have failed miserably but was determined to stay on the path and not choose another. At times, I became disconnected, weary, frustrated with myself, and doubtful in whether God was hearing me or if He was going to reveal Himself to me. At times I even wondered why I was in the middle of all of this and why God chose to put me in a situation I was clearly not capable of handling. I knew the answers but allowed the enemy to creep in on some of that - affecting my mindset and my heart. I have been holding on to certain verses throughout these past 2 months but I never held on to one in particular... that just so happens to be taped to my computer monitor. As I am sitting here, God showed it to me again, this time with conviction in my righteousness... The NIV version of 2 Chronicles 16:9 says For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him. You have done a foolish thing, and from now on you will be at war. The King James version of 2 Chronicles 16:9 says For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to shew himself strong in the behalf of them whose heart is perfect toward him. Herein thou hast done foolishly: therefore from henceforth thou shalt have wars. That verse mentions nothing about just being committed, sometimes committed, or partially committed. It says fully committed. Should you choose to read the other version it speaks of a perfect heart toward Him. Not good, not sweet, not even great. Perfect. I faltered many times these past few weeks, as I do everyday of my life, and did not remain fully committed to God. If I continue reading that verse then I have to know that I have been foolish in doing so and with that comes war and heartache. Apart from my total and complete reliance on God I have nothing. Choosing to face in any direction other than in the face of God will always leave me vulnerable and at war - without God on my side. I know I will never be able to have a perfect heart toward God...and He knows that too. Aren't you thankful that we don't live in Old Testament times? Words and thoughts can't even express how thankful I am for Jesus. My dependence on His death clothes my imperfect heart. My dependency on His Word fills my imperfect heart. My dependency on His Lordship completes my imperfect heart. When I admit that I am helpless and useless without Him, I am turning over myself and my ways to Him. I sometimes mention that I often just look around at my surroundings and just stare at God's majesty. Whether I'm driving or sitting outside or looking out a window, I look at His creation of the skies, trees, flowers, animals, the stars, the sun, the moon and clearly see His hand in all of it. I honestly am in awe when reflecting on all of it. His presence seems so obvious to me and I wonder how others could even doubt Him. What could be better than blatantly looking at something so intricate and majestic that God made from nothing and allows us to live amongst it all?? What could be better than seeing all of the provisions around me that allow me to sustain life? He provides my food, air, water, shelter, and clothing literally in front of my eyes. Nothing goes unforgotten. What could melt my heart more than that?.... When God speaks to me, that's what. When He actually reveals something to me that is only for me in that moment. When He answers a specific prayer that only I have prayed and He then tells me about it. Not that anything God created on this earth is vague, but it's when the spirit of God speaks to my heart intimately that is better than all of that other stuff. When I know God heard me. When I know God didn't forget my plea. When I know that God is showing me exactly how He had it all orchestrated the entire time and then chooses to let me in on it. That is what is better! It's when all the pieces of the puzzle that seem random, yet there, start to fit together. The pieces that you thought you were putting together for His glory all of a sudden don't hold a candle to the puzzle that God just showed you! It's those moments like I had in the car on the way home this morning where you literally say out loud, "Oh my God! That's it! That is it!" No one in the car with you. Just you. You are talking and laughing out loud because God has just shown you something or given you that one piece of the puzzle that makes it all fit together. Yes, that was me this morning :) If you can't say that you have had those intimacies with God, then I pray that you surrender your life to His Lordship so you can experience those moments even with your imperfect heart! You can't possibly imagine the magnitude of what that feels like to hear God whisper something in your ear or put something in front of your eyes that is only for you in that moment. It's those precious moments where you are just left sitting or standing there, barely able to compile an organized thought, and the only thing that even makes sense is to proclaim to the unfathomable God, "You are I AM".... and He replies "You Are Mine."
Seems like the theme here lately for myself and so many I know has been weariness and fatigue. Our lives are so busy that we just drain ourselves. We mention over and over that we need more time in the day to get things done or that we must spend our quiet time with God in the mornings because nights are out or vice versa; that we must spend our quiet time with God at night because mornings are out. Reality is that we rarely do either because we are too exhausted by the end of the day and we are too sleepy in the mornings to get up in time to spend time alone with Him. We have 24 hours in the day and we seriously make comments about there not being enough time in the day to get things done? I totally include myself in that statement. Ok well, hey, what about this?...maybe we cram too much in the day. Maybe we choose to watch too much tv or stay on the internet too long. Maybe we cart our children around to their ridiculous amounts of extra-curricular activities that we not only exhaust ourselves but them as well. Maybe we make everything else a priority over rest and quiet time with God. Why do we think that rest can take a back seat to our lives? Why do we think we can be more productive by shoving as much into our days as possible? Is it because we think we are accomplishing more things on the checklist if we get it done? 10 things checked off verses only 5? Does that really make us more productive? As you may have guessed by now, I like to look up the definition of words I use just to have some clarity. Did you know that the definition of productive is to yield products, benefits, or profit? Great. So now I know that we are benefitting ourselves with junk on the internet and tv, in the books we read, and in the activities that we have our children to believe are priorities like sports and social clubs at a pace that makes us say that there just isn't enough time in the day or that we will just function on minimal rest. I don't see how that is beneficial in the first place much less to a point to where it makes us physically ill at times and has us so irritable and unpleasant to be around. How is it beneficial to put such emphasis on superficial materialism and self indulgence over rest and quiet time with God? Crazy thing is that we are more willing and likely to listen to a medical doctor who will most certainly tell us that rest is a necessity for healthy living, which it is, over what our Creator tell us. What I find most interesting is the amount of professing Christians that find minimal to no time to rest, myself included. Why do I find this interesting? God has been revealing that answer to me by showing me that Jesus made time to rest and pray. Jesus made it a priority to have quiet time with the Father. Aren't we Christians supposed to be followers of Christ? Aren't we supposed to be following His example? So, if Jesus made rest and prayer a priority then why don't we? One of the most obvious parts of scripture that comes to mind regarding rest is in Genesis where God declares the Sabbath holy and a day of rest. Genesis 2: 2-3 says By the seventh day God had finished the work He had been doing; so on the seventh day He rested from all His work. Then God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it He rested from all the work of creating that He had done. God pretty much made rest a priority from the get go. Soooo....the God of the universe rested yet we think we are too important or busy to rest ourselves? Hmmm.... Ok, so let's look at Jesus. In Mark 6:31 He tells the apostles, "Come away by yourselves to a desolate place a rest a while". In Luke 5, Jesus' fame spreads and verses 15-16 say But now even more the report about Him went abroad, and great crowds gathered to hear him and to be healed of their infirmities. But he would withdraw to desolate place and pray. Jesus was in the midst of His ministry and performing miracles yet stopped to spend alone time with the Father. Luke 22:39-46 speaks of Jesus praying on the Mount of Olives. He told the disciples to pray so that they wouldn't "enter into temptation" and then He left them and prayed. These are just some of the parts of scripture that refer to rest and prayer. It seems to me that the bible makes it pretty clear on the importance of quiet time with the Father. I still can't get over the fact that Jesus stopped in the midst of His greatness in all that He was doing to spend alone time with God yet we are too arrogant and prideful to stop our meaningless nonsense of a schedule to have our alone time with Him. It may not be intentional pride but it is what it is. A book I've been reading, Simple Devotion, talks a lot about just walking with God daily. That no matter how much we DO or how much we are involved in with over the top things for God, it really doesn't matter if we have zero to little prayer life. What good does it do to participate in a couple of big events a year for the Kingdom when we haven't even spoken to our God? Reminds me of Luke 13:22-30 where Jesus is being asked who will enter Heaven. Jesus' response is that MANY will try to enter but will not. They will plead and respond with how they prophesied in His name. They will be told that He never knew them. Those are pretty powerful and scary words from Jesus in those verses. Jesus says that many will try to enter and be turned away. Many?? That seems pretty probable that most professing Christians will be hearing those exact words. I'm certainly not saying that if we spend quiet time with God daily that we are saved but I think it's something worth diving into and doing a little self-reflection on our hearts desire for the Lord versus our life. If we are too busy or tired to spend adequate time in prayer then clearly we are not getting enough down time or rest....and if we aren't getting enough down time or rest, it's probable that we are investing our time in things not worth getting exhausted over but hey, that's just my guess... Thank you, Lord, for revealing my sin to me with truth and Your Word and I pray that You will continue to change my heart to be more of a reflection of Yours.
The Great I AM. That is who God keeps telling me that He is. LORD. Yahweh - a name hardly even spoken by some because of its holiness. So holy and complete that it is unfathomable; yet, He chooses to interact with me. He chooses to take time to communicate with me even though I am not so pleasing to be around. As I started off another day this morning just feeling burdened and hurt and emotional and stressed, I decided to have a pity party and have an attitude about it. I knew I was totally out of line by doing so but I pressed on in completely making my morning not so pleasant. Let me set the stage for you.. I received news yesterday that one of my former co-workers had passed away this past weekend. I had not seen him in a few years since I had left that business back in 2008. However, I have such fond memories of Leo and my time working with him in our office downtown. Since finding out the news of his passing, I was taken down memory lane these past two days. Needless to say, I had a strong desire to attend his funeral that was scheduled for this morning. I knew it may be a struggle to go to the funeral since I had a test this morning for one of my classes. Ok so that's life, right? Deal with it. I just began to have such harsh feelings about my situation and how ridiculous it is that here I am, a 38 year old, in college trying to get a degree. Shouldn't that have been done 20 years ago? Now I can't even go to my friend's funeral because I have to take a stupid test because I'm in college...again....at 38 years of age. I had not heard from my professor about possibly leaving after taking the test, which irritated me more - like it was even her obligation to sit in front of her computer checking emails throughout the night. She was totally not in the wrong but this was just my mindset this morning. I continue going down this self destructing attitude even as I'm heading to class - decked out in my black suit in case I can go to the funeral by some chance. I receive a phone call from my boyfriend checking on me and I just began griping about my morning....and my life. Blah blah blah.... I decided to play Great I Am by New Life Worship after I got off the phone. Still with my attitude going on, I began just thinking how I KNOW I'm being a spoiled brat and totally ridiculous and well, God doesn't hesitate to back me up on that. He is reminding me that He is the Great I AM. He is bigger and more important than my pity party. Was I seriously letting myself say aloud that I am sick of my life and where I am in it? How ungrateful and self absorbed can I be? I mean talk about overreacting! God reminded me of when Jesus had a particular man telling Him that he would follow Him but to let him say good-bye to his family. Jesus' response was "No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God." Another man wanted to go back and bury his father before following Jesus. Jesus' response was "Let the dead bury their own dead but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God." Doesn't that seem a little harsh? All they wanted to do was say good-bye, pay their respects. What's the big deal with that? Couldn't Jesus lighten up a bit? Umm..no. The Great I AM doesn't need to lighten up for anything. I needed to lighten up. Jesus felt it necessary to tell these men, who just wanted to say good-bye to their loved ones, to move forward and follow Him yet I'm pouting because I possibly can't go say good-bye to someone I haven't seen or talked to in several years? Something is wrong with that picture. Look, nothing was wrong with wanting to go to the funeral and being sad that it may not happen. What was wrong was that I was acting like a child about something quite petty in the big scheme of things. And to dare say that I have issue with my spoiled life was beyond ridiculous. What God reminded me of was that maybe I should be that passionate for Him. Sad and angry that I can't spend time with Him because of this or that. Sad or angry that I put other things or people ahead of Him. In the end, God still graciously decided to make it possible for me to attend the funeral and I did so. Totally undeserving of His grace and mercy, He gave it again this morning. God continues to bless me more than I possibly deserve. He continues to be faithful and present even when I am not to Him. He continues to pursue me even when I don't pursue Him. He continues to reveal His love to me even when I don't love Him. He continues to do for me what I can't do for Him. I owe Him everything and He owes me nothing yet He gives me all I need and more. God is a jealous God. He wants my affections, attention, and life. God chose to have Christ give His life for me, a physical brutal death, so why is it so hard to give my life to Him sometimes? God isn't asking me to be brutally beaten, spit upon, flogged, or have nails driven through my hands or feet. He isn't asking me to endure hours upon hours of being mocked, judged, or tortured. He is simply wanting me to give a life of devotion and honor to Him. He is the Great I AM for crying out loud. What ELSE would he require of me? Anything less than total commitment to Him would be pointless. Part of my reason for sharing this today is to obviously share how God works in my life but more so to be real and honest about how we Christians still struggle, have bad days, bad attitudes, and have pity parties. Even as I proclaim my faith in Christ, I don't ever want to come across as having it all together because I have Christ in my life. Although, I don't hesitate to say that my family and friends would second that motion in fully conveying that I don't have it all together and far from it! Christians are not perfect humans because we are Christians. We don't have a life of bliss without struggles, hardships, pit falls, or demons to fight. We live in sin every day - throughout the day! True Christians don't live a life parallel to the world but we do mess up. A lot. True Christians don't use their faith as an avenue to use legalism as a scapegoat to twist what they want to do or not do. True Christians don't judge but rather hold others accountable in love and allow themselves to be held accountable as well. True Christians don't walk around with their heads held high because they are better than the rest. We walk around full of humility desperately seeking God each and every day to deliver us from evil and lead us not into temptation because without His help, we will be obliterated....and we know this! We are not perfect but that doesn't give us the right to use that reason in vain. What I am perfect in though is Christ. That may sound like a cliche or some "Christian talk" but it's reality. For that I am humbly grateful. God almighty Great I AM, Who is worthy? None beside Thee.
Those words are lyrics to a song, You Can Have Me, by Sidewalk Prophets. It is one of my most favorite songs and I listen to it often. Odd... because this morning a young lady driving home from her morning class had that song playing in her car for no particular reason at all. She kept saying how her heart had been heavy recently with the desire to venture out into "the mission field". She has never been on a mission trip and has used pretty much every excuse to not go in the past...money, children, work, time, low confidence or faith. She had even looked into going on a week long short term trip this upcoming summer. As she drove home, her mind was overflowing with the playbacks of her Sunday morning church service from the previous day. Yes, a lot of good stuff was said that Sunday morning...making disciples of all nations; 11,000 people groups: 6,000 unreached; praying, giving, and going; multiplying leaders and churches; surrendering, abiding...
Back up. Going? Ok what about going? She kept thinking to herself that there was definitely a place in her heart to go. Yes, she has been wanting to go on a mission trip. Ok, then why do the two wrong words keeping popping up...mid term. It is suppose to be short term. Those are the two correct words, God. Not mid term.
So...as she is driving home and playing You Can Have Me, she is talking to God and asking Him to show her what to do. She is asking Him to please clarify what this whole mid term thing is about because it can't possibly be the sane thing to do. As she is fighting the desire to look into this mid term thing, she is thinking about her situation - especially her kids. This lady is divorced with children. What is she suppose to do, Lord? Leave her children for the summer to go on some "mission trip"?? Isn't that a bit ridiculous? How would that affect her? How would that affect her children? Not to mention other obstacles that totally don't make sense for her to go away for the summer. A bit reactionary and ridiculous if you ask me.
God listens to her patiently and finally decides to chime in once she has to stop speaking long enought to take a breath! His questions were, "When did love become unmoving? When did love become unconsuming?" Hesitantly and a bit ashamed, her answer was a simple, "I don't know." He then proceeds since she basically is speechless and obviously isn't going to continue blabbering. This is pretty much the breakdown: God: "What else would you do this summer? Sleep late? Stay around the house browsing the internet or Facebook? Watching TV? Work some? Maybe take a class? You're children are already going to be gone half the summer anyway. What exactly in all of that is productive in relation to the Kingdom or the 6,000 unreached people groups?" Lady: "Well, I guess I would do all of that stuff, yes. But I could do other stuff, too, like spend time with my kids, maybe spend time with ladies from church, visit family. I don't know, God. That is still months away. Maybe go on a week long mission trip. I don't know." God: "All of that stuff is good...church, family, week long mission trips. But those aren't the reasons you are being reluctant. You are content with missing church, family, friends, work, and school in order to possibly leave for the summer. You're scared. And you just don't want to leave your kids. Why?" Lady: Not wanting to admit it, she replies with tears in her eyes, "Because they may not miss me." God: "So you would rather miss My calling upon you, whatever that is? You're choosing to miss your children or their lack of missing you over missing Me? Do you not remember Luke 14:26-27? "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters, yes, even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple." Lady: "Yes, of course I remember. You've been reminding me! What if I go and am miserable because I get homesick?" God: "That's not your home." Pause..with no words from the lady because she is overwhelmed with emotions. God: "You've been singing the words of this song to me...'Father of love, You can have me'... And not only do you sing them to me, you tell them to me throughout your days. So what's the deal? Can I really have you or not? I may or may not have you go away for a summer but that's for Me to decide. You are to just follow." Lady: "How do I know that it will even matter?" God ceases to carry on the conversation at this point with the lady BUT... she received a text message at that time from a friend. Without going into specifics, the message confirmed that it does matter. Overwhelmed, the lady begins to cry and says "Ok, God. You can have me." She clings to the lyrics of that song again:
If You're all You claim to be
Then I'm not losing anything
So I will crawl upon my knees
Just to know the joy of suffering
I will love You enough to let go
Lord, I give you my life
I give you my life
I know this lady and she constantly has to be reminded that the things of this world are temporary and quite frankly unimportant. Yes, God gives us gifts like family and friends, homes, and even monetary resources to be used to glorify Him, but it all stays here. What is more important to her? The comforts of her life or the life that God would have her life out for Him? She was struck by the line "So I will crawl upon my knees just to know the joy of suffering". Wow. The joy of suffering. Really? Honestly, the thought of being away from her children for weeks upon weeks would bring her to her knees quite often I would imagine but would the cost be worth it? Couldn't she find joy in being a vessel that God was using while away from her children? Wouldn't it be worth it in the long run, the big picture? Aren't we suppose to live a sacrificial life for Christ? To a mother, the thought of being away from her children is heart-breaking but is it a sacrifice? I think so.
1 Peter 5:10 And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.
James 1:2-4 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.
Romans 8:18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.
Hebrews 12:11 For the moment all disciples seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to whose who have been trained by it.
I don't what's in store for this young lady but I do know that she will pursue whatever it is that the Lord is leading her to do. It may not be in God's plan for her to go anywhere at this particular time for this particular summer but she declared to, at minimal, be obedient enough to find out. Should a trip be in her future now or for another time, I think she was reminded that if she loves Christ as she claims, she will follow Him. Trust Him. Believe He is who He claims to be. Reminded that she is totally dependent upon Him for everything. Reminded that daily time with Him is imperative - whether it's heartfelt praises, prayers, singing, or even trying to talk herself out of something she feels Him leading her to do. It's about being real and intimate enough to be honest and vulnerable with the One who loves her most. However, it's really a matter of whether she loves Him most in her life.
God does not call the qualified, He qualifies THE CALLED. Genesis 50:19-21. Random. Do those two sentences even go together? My guess would be...uh...negative. Well, let's just see...Wait...hold up...maybe before I try to figure out how those two thoughts might be intertwined I should first consider why God even put those thoughts on my heart to begin with in the first place. Thought #1 - God does not call the qualified, He qualifies THE CALLED. This is my screen saver so I see this many times a day, every single day. Why has this been speaking to me the past 24 hours? That part is pretty clear to be honest. As I embark on another journey, I am HUMBLY reminded that this next avenue that God has me on is NOT about me. This is totally and completely about Him, His glory, His purpose - ouch! - oh wow, there's that word, purpose, that's been on my mind recently and leaving me in a restless place....hmmm...ok, refocus...yeah so totally and completely about Him, His glory, His purpose, His work, His healing, His story. I am not on this road because I am equipped to be there. God knows I know that! But in some sort of twisted way I think the enemy of my soul would like for me to believe otherwise. To believe that I am equipped. To believe that I can do this with little help from God because I've been there done that. Of course, the enemy clearly knows that I would fall flat on my face completely dishonoring and belittling my Lord by thinking and doing so. The enemy isn't always so blatantly ugly, loud, or disruptive but rather subtle, quiet, and sneaky. Even to the point of making us feel like we are doing good and honoring our God when in fact we are just doing good for and honoring ourselves, which my friends is called pride and self idolatry. Interesting. While sitting down to write this post I really thought I knew what I would type out here. I must say it certainly wasn't anything about my pride or my abilities aside from God. Yeah, real funny, God. But as I digress, my random thoughts are being pulled back into the realm of knowing that God doesn't use those who are qualified to do his work. Only one man did that and his name was Jesus. God does however use those who are obedient to his calling; therefore, equipping those with whatever needs are to be met. I mean for crying out loud, the God of the universe created all that exists within it and outside of it and we so often think God can't handle something or can't use something or someone. How ridiculous and immature we are..LOL. Yes, I just put LOL in my blog but I'm sorry, it's funny :) Admittedly I often struggle with wondering why God chooses to waste his time with me but more so I struggle when I see others struggling with wondering why God should choose to use them. To hear words come out of the mouths of women, for instance, who clearly believe they are worthless and unusable completely saddens me and infuriates me at the same time. To have a deep felt compassion for women who are so broken because of the lies and deception being fed into their minds yet having my blood boil because I see the stronghold of the nails of satan digging into that soul completely drives me to spend the rest of my life fighting for the kingdom of God rather than silently sitting back advocating the depths of hell! I believe that if God picks me up and sits me down in a place where I am to share His love, His Word, or His grace, then He will equip me to do so. Bottom line. Thought #2 - Genesis 50:19-21. This part of scripture says But Joseph said to them, “Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God?You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.So then, don’t be afraid. I will provide for you and your children.” And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them. This part of scripture is referring to Joseph speaking to his brothers who had years before sold him into slavery. His brothers feared revenge and bitter feelings from Joseph. Rather, Joseph was loving and gracious. Not only did Joseph have no harsh feelings toward his brothers but he proclaimed the good work of God's hands in all of that was intended for harm and exceeded that by providing for many generations to come. So, this will be quite random with me sorting through this so brace yourselves and try to keep up. First, don't be afraid. Any harm that was intended for me and was given to me has and will be used for God's glory. God has this covered. If I continue with the verse it says "what is being done now". Being done now is present tense. Not past. Not future. Now. Secondly, if I throw in the word accomplish in my dissection of the verses then apparently God is "finishing" or "completing" his work.... in the saving of many lives. The saving of many lives sounds pretty much like that's from a source of good intentions that were met by harmful intentions that were imposed. So basically, why be afraid of anything that happens to us or anything that we may be harboring from our past if we dwell in the place of God??? As my pastor so often says, "He has this thing rigged" so I think God has it covered. Another point being, why be afraid that we aren't qualified to be a tool that God can use? Let's just be honest and confess that we aren't qualified and must totally and completely rely on Him to provide what we need. The sooner we swallow our pride and admit we are more than insufficient and wholly dependent on God then we could move along much faster with God's plan for us rather than wandering in the wilderness for 40 years but that's another blog! Oh my grapes it is my desire to see women rise up from the ashes of self absorbed feminism and entitlement to the feet of Christ. Sound odd? Wondering how in the world do you rise up to feet that are standing on the ground? You rise up from that pit and fall on your face where those feet are waiting that's how. The one and only God who breathed life into every existence can certainly use someone's sin to glorify himself. In fact, it's probably pretty simple and a no brainer. This isn't a chess match we're playing with God and putting bets on who will have check mate in the end. He will. Regardless. It is my prayer that women will fall back to the Lord with humility and submission. To not hold on so tightly to the lies but rather cling to the truth that sits there waiting to be grasped. Women are special and have tremendous influence over all others - children, men, and yes other women. I have experienced that influence through women that God chose to put in my life as an answered prayer and according to His will. Thank God this time it was positive godly influences that gave me hope that women can in fact be capable, supportive, accountable, and submissive while all along revealing to me that it is those qualities that make them strong and successful. And quite honestly in my opinion, much more strong and successful than any high powered, ladder climbing executive, bread winning woman who lives a life apart from God. I have seen with my own eyes and heard with my own ears the fruit bore and spoken through a broken, feeble, deceived, full of despair woman who by the grace of God was raised up by His hands to glorify Him with her junk through her clinging faith in Him. And might I add that He even gave this woman her first dance one special evening to this song...
